Thursday, November 19, 2009

In my head

Today I stumbled upon this quote

"Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit."
Bill Cosby

and I cried, and cried.  When I was told that I might loose both of my ovaries a jolting fear came over me.  The thought of not being able to carry my own child, is overwhelmingly depressing.

Why does something that is supposed to be so natural have to become this huge medical ordeal.  Yesterday I spoke with my doctor regarding my endometriosis.  Based on my ct scan results, he gave us a less than 5% chance of conceiving a child naturally.  He said my cysts are deep, and the scaring is all over the place. 

So even if I do retain my ovaries, he assumes they are too badly damaged to function.  So we're talking egg harvesting, followed by IVF.  This baby making ordeal is going to get expensive!


  1. Been there. Cried those tears. Hurt that terrible hurt. Allow yourself to hurt and be angry. Be totally pissed that you have to spend all that money... THEN pick yourself up and get yourself a BABY!! One way or another, if you want to be a mommy YOU WILL BE - and you will know when that day comes that it was all worth it and YOUR baby, no matter where he comes from will be the most perfect being you have ever laid eyes on. But for now, allow yourself to be sad. No one should have to go through this shit. It's awful! Know that I am thinking and praying for you. How did lil' mans meeting go at school???

  2. Reading your post reminded me of a song: "So Hard" by the Dixie Chicks... I am so things are so difficult right now!

    Praying for you!

  3. Ah, honey. I'm so sorry. I agree with the first poster--let yourself be sad--it's ok. Hugs to you.

  4. Thanks ladies... I will have/get a baby one way or other..

    Katie Lil' mans IEP meeting is tomrorow. I am armed and ready!