Monday, November 16, 2009

I need help

Today I got a phone call from Lil' mans teacher asking me to come to the school, and pick him up, because he was out of control.  I need suggestions on what to do, or what to advocate for.  The things he does at school, he does not do at home or at daycare. Well at least not on a daily basis.

He is running out of the classroom, hitting, spitting, cussing, picking, etc.  Undressing, hiding under tables, peeing himself, shouting out loud, screaming, crying, picking.  Just to name a few.

I have requested an IEP meeting. The meeting will take place this Friday.  I am going to request that he had a one on one aid full-time, but I know that is no easy thing to accomplish, because it costs the system money.

There is no rhyme or reason to his acting out, it doesn't happen at set times, we cannot pin point a tiger.  Out of five school days he will typically have one okay day, two or three so/so days, and one or two totally off the hook days.  Am I expecting too much?

Is the classroom too stimulating? What is the alternative? The special ed classroom? He doesn't have learning problems, he has behavior issues.

His teacher are great but they are limited on what they can do.  One is pregnant, and the other has  knee injury so they cant chase his little behind down.  There are 19 other children who deserve attention too.

We go over the classroom rules.  He spouts them out like nobodies business, he hears what I am saying.

We've tired sticker charts, taking away privileges, we've tired ignoring his behaviors.  Positive reinforcement, and redirection isnt working.

I spoken to him, the hubby has spoken to him.  His case worker has had talks with him. 

He's on medication, he attends play therapy, speech therapy,  and occupational therapy.  He has a one on one aid for part of the day. He gets plenty of sleep at night, we watch his diet. At home he gets a lot of one on one time.  At daycare its pretty much free play since he isnt there that long.

What are we doing wrong? What can we do different?


  1. Hi Karen - sorry Lil Man is having such a rough time at school! Is he in kindergarten or preschool?

    Either way - a one on one aid would be great, but the school may balk at the idea for money reasons. :( Look into the idea of a special ed classroom. It is not unusual for a child to to need special ed for behavioral issues instead of learning disorders. However, be sure to find out the specifics about the class dynamics. How many kids are in the class, how many teachers, what ages, what types of disabilities (behavior, learning, cognitive, physical issues...) While a classroom full of children with physical disabilities may not seem appropriate for an able bodied child - sometimes kids will do better if they are at the higher end of the classroom spectrum. So, look into it and see if you think Lil Man would benefit. Does he get social work services at school? Having some time built in with the SWer to be 1:1, plus the break in classroom time may be good for him. Plus, she would be someone who could step in when he seems to be having an especially bad day - perhaps a short break would help him regroup and finish the day successfully.

    Those are just some ideas off the top of my head - feel free to email me if you want to give more specifics.. maybe I could think of some more ideas!

    Good luck!

  2. It could very well be that the classroom experience is too overwhelming for him. The special education (called resource programs in our district) don't just cover educational delays.They tend to encompass Education/Behavior/social delays. I would check with the school district to see what time resource programs they have. I find the schools do not offer or even will tell you what services exist because it costs them money.

    Check out this website:

    I would also do a quick search to see if your state has any special state laws regarding children with special needs. I would also talk to your social worker, in our State their is actually a group which will help you advocate and will even attend the IEP with you to make sure you get what your child needs. Hope this helps.

  3. He is in a public preschool class ..I have checked out the special ed class,and the children in the class are severely MR. Unable to walk, talk, etc. I don't think it would be a good fit for him, because of his obsessive behaviors. He will copy everything the kids do. They do have a resource classrooms, but those are for K-5.

    What type of social services does the school provide? His school as a resource coordinator, but she can't Handel him for 5 mins! lol

    He currently has a one on one for an hour a day. He seems to do well with her. I bet they would be willing to pay for a full-time one on one, if i throw out the safety card. What if something happens when he runs away? What if he gets outside, or gets hurt some how?


  4. I would definitly try to push HARD for more one on one. While it may not be the best permanant solution, but at least until he could get into a resource classroom in kindergarten.
    Another thing you may want to look into is a TSS or a BHRS... both are simply behavioral specialists that go to the school with your kid or the home. They are through your insurance and any one of his therpists can refer him to them. Both of our girls are getting them. Dee Dee is going to be getting 25 hours of TSS and Madi has an intake for BHRS this week. Im having a brain fart, so I forget what the letters stand for!! lol! I have found this to be a pretty easy thing to get even with Madi.. and her issues are cake compared to what you descirbe that your dealing with!! Talk to your counselor and see if she/he can refer you to one. If you need any more info, let me know, Ill grab my info packet from Dee Dee's TSS. :o)

  5. Dee I am going to ask his play thearpist about this on Thursday. Hopefully she can shed some light.

  6. I was SO against T being in special ed as well because she is higher function and the kids in her first school were...not. BUT, ever since she has moved into a special ed setting (and I thought she would copy, too) she has shined. She is now a leader in her classroom because she is higher functioning and the teachers don't freak when she starts acting out. They can contain her so much easier and we get a fraction of the phone calls that we did before. You shouldn't have to pick up your kid. The school needs to be providing the services that he needs to keep him regulated. If I were you, I would totally push for a one-on-one aid throughout the day (this won't be easy!). Also, find out what time of the day he acts out more, and if it is with or without the aide he currently has. School is SO overwhelming for our kids. I feel bad for the little guy.

    A lot of schools have social workers that do friendship groups. This has helped us as well. T gets to eat lunch once each week with a group of 3 other girls and they do a special project and focus on a different social topic each week. It helps.

  7. Thanks again everyone for all of your support. Tiruba what type of plan do you have in place for T when all hell breaks loose? We are trying to come up with a plan of action for them to us when Lil' Man gets out of control. Calling me isn't gonna work, because I WORK. I know he can be a handful, but he isn't uncountable. If they cant control him now what's gonna happen when he's 10 and twice the size. Yesterday he would not stay in the classroom, he took off running any chance he got. The teacher cant chace him b/c she just had knee surgery.

  8. I wish I had some advice. With a diagnosis like FES you would think they wouldn't have a problem getting an aide...keep us updated.

  9. Ohhhh, I hope you see this before you go in tomorrow....Even though the special ed. class at HIS school might be all MR students and those that don't have life skills, there may (SHOULD) be OTHER classes that provide services for kids like him the district. I work in a very small district, and i know we do. He doesn't have to stay at THAT school if they cannont provide for his needs. He can go to another and they HAVE to provide transportation, even if it's not in-zone. GOOD LUCK!!! I so wish I could go with you as an advocate!!! You are sooo GOOD for HIM!!