Monday, January 18, 2010


I fine myself once again struggling with the fact that we are not adopting Lil' Man.  He is such a sweet, fun loving little guy who deserves a family to love him forever.  Truth be told I love him to death, but sometimes I cannot stand him.

I know deep down I don't want to live the rest of my life with an unpredictable child.  My hat is off to those of you who parent children with mood disorders.

I cant imagine the worry that some of you face on a day to day basis.

But when things are going good, like they have been lately, the guilt sets in. He is come so far in such a short amount of time. What if he looses all of that?

What if he goes to his adoptive family and they change their mind? What if they cannot maintain him in their home?

Tonight as the hubby and I were walking out of his room, after tucking him in to bed he shouted "Mom, and Dad I love you very much."  I felt a lump form in my throat.  How can I send him away to live some where else? Will he think he wasn't good enough to be a member of our family?

I turned around and walked over to his bed, bent down and kissed his forehead, and then whispered in his ear "I love you more, sweet boy."


  1. Oh Man, I know that has to be hard. I am so sorry. Lil' Man has angels watching over him and he will end up with the absolute perfect family, wherever that may be. I would say don't worry, but that would be stupid. How are things going at school?

  2. School is so/so. Today he made his teacher cry. I dont know how has more issues her or him.