Why

Sometimes I wonder why I bother.  Today I picked Lil'man up early from daycare in order to go on a play date at the park.  He showed his little rear. 

He cannot handle the change in routine.  The new environment, and people cause him to become overstimulated.  Which in turn causes him to act out.

He needs the experiences, but sometimes it isnt worth the stress.  I was near tears at the park today, because of how he was acting.  People don't get it, he looks totally normal.  I just look like a bad Mother who has no control over her kid.

The first time he hit, I took it in stride, the second, third and fourth time he acted out, I wanted to crawl under a rock.

Why does a trip to the park have to be so freaking stressful? Why do I have to run behind a 4 yr old, making sure he isnt spitting, hitting, or being nasty to people.

He is so well behaved at home when its just the three of us. 

All is well.

Lil’ Man got very little sleep over the weekend.  Tonight I knew he needed to go to bed a little early in order to catch up.  We did our usual routine, thirty minutes early.

Our nightly routine involves me rocking him, and singing to him. He buries his head into my chest, closes his eyes, and puts the biggest cheesy grin on his face, while pretending to sleep. 

Tonight as  I was finished singing  I looked down, only to find Lil’Man  fast asleep. I sat there holding onto him feeling terribly guilty. 

I know that by us not adopting him we are causing him future pain, and heart ach.  Are we doing the right thing? Is there really a family out there who wants a “broken” little boy?

I didn’t think fostering would be this emotional.

Maybe we’re not cut out for this business, because I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve.

Lil’ Man seems no worse or the ware.  He has not mentioned the adoptive family, or anything about this passed weekend.  Although he did say “mommy I peed on B and D’s floor, but I wont pee pee on yours” lmao

Once I speak more with the case workers, I plan to tell him that they will not be his adoptive family. I plan to tell him that they already have too many child, and they cant give him all the love and attention he needs/deserves. 

All is well for now.  He can stay here as long as he needs.  Selfishly I hope he is here for the Holidays, as  want to spoil him rotten!

Fuming

Lil’ Man just got home from his weekend transitional visit with his adoptive family. They are giving up before they even get started.

They do not want to adopt him.

I am so upset, as it was destine to fail from the beginning. There should have been mandated weekend visits before they agree to adopt him. Before Lil’Man was told they are his "forever" family.

They said he hit kicked, spit, screamed, peed himself, threatened to hit the babies, etc. Much like the way he was when we first got him. They said it was too much work to take care of three babies, and Lil' Man. NO SHIT? It would be hard for anyone to take care of three babies, and a “normal” four year old.

I told the adoptive parents that they needed to decide to between Lil’ Man or the babies. I said he would settle down in time, but it's going to take a while, and he needs the one on one attention.

They said they would rather adopt the three babies who's parental rights have not terminated.

WTF?

What am I supposed to tell the little boy who is fast asleep in his bed? What am I suppose to say when he asks about his forever family. I have been prepping him for weeks about how this was the last home he would ever have to live in. That these people love him so much they will be his parents FOREVER.

To top it all off we are leaving in 11 days for two weeks. Who’s going to care for him while we’re gone? The closest therapeutic foster family is an hour away. So I guess he will have to miss two weeks of school.

Oh I am so freaking mad.

Racked up!

I just got home from Publix.  I bought:

9-3.5lb bags of Purina one cat food

10-fancy feast appetizers

2-box of GM cereal

3-12oz jars of Heinz gravy

1-box Ritz crackers

1-box of crackerfuls

2-bags of Ore-ida steam fresh mashed potatoes

1-Gorton fish sticks

1-box of fish fillet

2-bags of steam fresh veggies

1-tub kozy shack chocolate pudding

1-bottle1.5 lts-OJ

 

Total before coupons: $129.93

After coupons: $20.21

I saved $109.72!!!

Visit

Lil’ Man left last night for his first transitional visit.  He told me he was going to:

• Poop in his pants
• Pee on the floor
• scream
• Say shut up
• Stay up all night

I hope they have a wonderful weekend!

In my dreams..

Cancer sucks

Pity party 1,004….

I look all around me, but she is not here. How can this be?  The only time I see her is in my dreams.  This isn’t how it was supposed to be.  I need her help, her advice, her unconditional love.

Instead I am stuck with unforgettable images of my Mother struggling to live, gasping for breath. I don’t understand how this happened. This isn’t how it was supposed to be.  Breast cancer does not define who my Mother is but ultimately it is what took her life way too soon.

Cancer sucks

 

Two weeks

In two weeks from today I will be half way to Scotland! I can’t wait to see my brother, and his two little cuties.  Not to mention all that good chocolate, and other food.. Yummy..Its going to be a great distraction from missing Lil’ Man

Third class

I lost my green card(permanent resident card).  I need it in order to re-enter the United States after our trip to Scotland.  Several weeks ago I E-filed my application.  After E-filing I mailed my supporting documents to the office, along with a check for $300!

I received an appointment card in the mail a few weeks ago.  The card stated that I needed to appear in person to have my fingers prints done.

Today was my  appointment. The closest office to me is in Jacksonville, FL about 2 hrs and 45 minutes way.

I was up, out the door, and on the road before 7am!  I arrived with over an hour to spare. If you’ve never had the pleasure of visiting such an office you are totally missing out.

The doors are locked, and you cannot enter until the security guard checks you ID, and appointment card.

Once you enter the office you are stripped searched go through the metal detectors.  You are given a number. The security guard then tells you what color of instructions to follow.

“Follow the yellow instructions on the wall”, she mumbled.

I filled out another application, handed over all my supporting documents once again.  I was told to have a seat and listen for my number.

Finally my number was called, and my finger prints were taken. Once my finger prints were taken, I explained my situation.  I was told to go to the kiosk and make another appointment (WTF?).  The lady assured me, my appointment time would be for today.

I entered all of my info, and the only appointment that was showing up was for Oct 1st in the Atlanta office.

You are not allowed to approach any employees without being told to do so.  Doing so will result in you being removed from the building.   So I walked over to the security guard, and asked if there was anyone I could talk too.  She said only if you have an appointment.

I explained I did have an apt to have my finger prints taken, but I had an additional question.  I was told that no one could answer my question if I did not have an appointment to speak with an immigration officer. 

I started to panic, I just took the entire day off work, drove over 2 1/2 hours, and was thinking of all of the money I was going to loose on my ticket..

I decided to take a risk and walked over to the lady who had helped my with my finger prints. I told her that there was appointments available   today in their office, but because I have a Georgia zip code, it was only showing me appointments in the ATL office.

The lady told me don’t worry they will see you.

To make a really long story short, I headed to the immigration officers desk to put my papers in his basket.  On the way over the security guard stopped me. 

Firstly she scolded my for having gum, in my mouth.  She told me to spit it in the trash can.  “Don’t you see the no food sign” she said in a nasty tone. 

I tired to explain  what was going on and she kept shutting me down. I told her that I had an apt to have my finger prints taken but I needed to ask the immigrations office a question.  She said make an appointment.  I told I tired to make one, but it is giving me an appointment in Atlanta.

She said are you a Georgia resident. I said yes. Then you shouldn't be in this office.  This is a Florida office (no shit?)  I understand this is a Florida office.  When I received my appointment card it stated I was to show up at this office, I told her.   See your address is right here.

At one point she said  do you need to be removed the building because you are not a Florida resident, you shouldn't even be in here.  WTF?

The security guard was so rude, she was speaking to me as if I was stupid.  As if I didn't deserve respect because I am not a US citizen. I pay taxes, and  am married to a US citizen. I am here legally! It isn't my fault I was born in Scotland.

I was getting upset again.  I knew that if I did not speak to someone today I would not be going to Scotland in two weeks.

Thankfully an immigration office who was sitting with his feet upon his desk, bored, took note of what was going on.  He called me over to his desk, and told me to ignore the security guard.

He told me he would issue me a temporary card. THANK YOU GOD! I couldn’t stop thanking him for helping me.

Before I left I took note of both of the security guards names.  I plan to file a complaint.  I can honestly say I have never been treated that bad in my life.

Maybe I should become a US citizen.

regression

Lil’man’s placement date has been changed. He will be staying with us until Oct 7th. The adoptive parents  will have two weekend visits, and they are attending two play therapy sessions.  As well as his psychiatry  apt. 

THANK GOD!

What seems like common sense to you and I, is above the case workers head… sometimes she drives me insane.

Lil’man has regressed, peeing, and pooping in his pants. Saying bitch, and shut up every five minutes.  Spitting and hitting.  It’s heart breaking. 

Last night while telling him his birth story, he put his hand over my mouth and told me “the end”, just as I was about to talk about his “forever” family.  He wants his story to end here with us being his forever family.

I really hope we are doing the right thing.  I pray to God that he does not disrupt this placement.  I have already told the case worker that we will take him back if things don’t work out.

Keep your fingers crossed. If your the praying type say a little prayer for my blue eyed monster boy.

yikes

Just finished watching Super nanny..Lil’ Man has nothing on those kids..  and they are “normal” children YIKES..How do people live life like that?

Sweet boy

Although I'm not his mother, I care for him each day. I cuddle, sing, and read to him, And watch him as he plays. I see each new accomplishment, and help him grow and learn, I understand his language, and I listen with concern.

He comes to me for comfort, And I kiss away his tears. He proudly show his art work to me, I give the loudest cheers! No, I am not his mother, But my role is just as strong. I nurture him, and keep him safe, Though maybe not for long. I know someday the time may come, When we will have to part, But I know each and every memory is  forever in my heart!

Over the pond

Hubby and I are planning a trip to the other side of the pond.   I am keeping my fingers crossed that my passport, and green card get here in time.  The hubby has never been to Scotland so he is super jazzed.  I however am looking forward to spending time with my brother, and his girls. I have been promised a proper Scottish breakfast by my niece Erin as long as I come bearing gifts.

We are in the midst's of planning a few small gets ways while we are in Scotland, including a trip down South to England! The only thing I am not looking forward to is the freezing cold weather, and constant rain.

Who are these people

and why I am allowing them to take care of my little boy?   I just got an email from Lil’man’s  teacher.  Did you know Lil’ Man was getting picked up early? Mrs. B just picked him up from XX daycare.

Um noooooooooo.

School gets out at 1pm this upcoming  Thursday.  Lil’man has play therapy at 12:15 on Thursdays, so hubby  usually has him.  However the play therapist called and canceled.  So I needed the daycare to pick him up from school Thursday.

After I got off the phone with the play therapist I called the daycare to ask them to pick him up Thursday at 1pm.  Apparently she wasn't listening to what I was saying and she picked him up TODAY at 1pm.  Why on Earth the school allowed her to pick him up is beyond me.

Why would I call and asked her to pick him up at 1pm, just for the hell of it?  Did she not realize that the other kids were not leaving?

Too smart

Last night after I was finished rocking my Lil’Man and telling him his life story.  I asked him did you like B, and D? (adoptive parents).  He said “yes, they are nice”.  I said oh that’s good.  To which he replied “they are my adoptive family aren’t they?”

He’s too freaking smart! While he knew he would one day get adopted, we never mentioned them being his adoptive parents.  I wanted to make sure everything was set in stone.

Does anyone have any tips/advice on how to help Lil’ Man transition.  Every night I talk about his birth, his birth family, his other foster family, and us. Then I go on to tell him that one day soon he is going to get adopted and live with that family forever.

I usually end it by saying how much the hubby and I will miss him, but that he will remain in our hearts forever.

I think about how hard this transition is for me, I can’t even begin to understand how hard it is for my Lil’ Man.  I hope we are doing the right thing.  I hope this isn't something I am going to regret.

a little bit of light!

I emailed Lil’ man’s other case worker (thru our agency).  She is in agreement with what I said, but at the end of the day DFACS is the one who has custody.  Therefore they are the ones that make the final decision.  The last sentence of her email gave me a little bit of hope. “WE will try our best to get them to see that a slow and easy transition is best.”

Two weeks.

This just all seems so wrong.  Lil' Man will be leaving our home in two weeks, without any other visits with the adoptive family.  I have an overwhelming feeling that this is not going to work out. 

I have voiced my concerns regarding the number of children in the house, the age of the children, and the lack of transitional visits.

I have contacted my agency to see if they can speak with the worker.  There needs to be transitional visits for Lil' Mans sake.

Three children 14 months and under, and 4 yr old who is more like a 2 yr old, with severe behavioral problems is a case for disaster. 

I wanted him to be adopted, he deserves a forever family. But I want to make sure it is the right family.

It's out of my hands, there is nothing else I can do.

Boys, and their toys

Last night after dinner Lil' Man put on his sporty cow wellie boots in preparation for our night out on the town..Puddle jumping.  He had so much fun running around an empty parking lot, splashing in the puddles.  Free entertainment!

Tonight before dinner we decided to let the inner red neck out!  We went to the plantation.  Lil Man road his big ole yellow dump truck down the hill laughing all the way!

He could stay outside 24/7!

Out of Lil' Man's mouth..

• Mommy, my Daddy needs new rims on his car.
• Hey Daddy, I kissed your lady.  (said after he gave me a big kiss)
• Mommy, can I marry you?
• Mommy we don't say the B word right? the B word, B word, B word.
• Bone, it bone it ranch..a song that he sings..no clue where it came from.
• Mommy, your growing inside my heart, like a little seed.
• Did you poop in your underwear? (said out loud while we were at the store)
• Mrs. K pooped in her pants today at school, but I didn't. (Mrs. K is the teacher)
• show me, hurry show me (he gets his words confused, he means I want to show you something).
• When I grow up I am going to have beard!
• Can you take me the dealership, mommy so I can pick up my brand new car.

adoption

I feel sick..

The prospective adoptive couple was very sweet, and loving. The Dad was very hand on.  However I am concerned that they are a little  naive  to Lil' Man, and his special needs.    They said they were ready to take him home today.  They have a 15 month old foster baby, and on Monday are getting a 1 month old, and 11 month old who they plan to adopt (BM is signing over her rights).

I hope they are not biting off more than they can chew.  Because this little guy deserves nothing, but the best. 

I guess I will find out more on Monday from Lil' Man's worker. I hope it all works out.

tick tock

9:19am just finished cleaning the house from top to bottom...Lil' Man and Wayne are outside working on the yard. Prospective adoptive parents will be here in less than 2 hours..This is going to be harder than I thought.

How selfish am I?

This is going to be much harder than I thought.  I didn't think it would be "that hard" to give up Lil' Man.  After all I have spent my entire adult life caring for other peoples children.  From being the owner of a daycare, to the worlds best auntie, a nanny, and now a foster mother. Sure I was sad when the kids outgrew the need for daycare, but it just isnt the same.

This little guy calls me Mommy.  Yesterday while at the Dr's office he spouted out "Dr. J, I grew in my Mommy Karen's heart, and she grew in mine too"

GLUP

I never thought I would be faced with such a hard decision so early on in the foster care world.  I admit I love this little guy, but I just don't think we are his forever family. 

wow

Lil' Mans prospective adoptive family is coming for a visit on Saturday.. I am kind of freaking out.

Oh no..

So I have been working with Lil' man at night with his attachment issues.  and I am afraid I am the one getting attached.  I am not so sure I am going to be able to let this little guy go.  As time passes, he becomes more and more of our family.  HELP!

Who's the adult?

School as been in session for a little over five weeks.  Last Friday the speech pathologist approached me in the hallway to inform me that she has not been able to screen Lil' Man because he will not cooperate.

In the back of my head I was thinking who's in charge here? The four year old, or the chick with the master degree.

He can be super hyper and out of hand, but that's only occurs about 20% of the time. It makes me wonder if the teacher is telling the whole truth because, according to her everything each peachy.

I have been researching FAS and Co-Occurring Conditions.  I am beginning to wonder if Lil' Man is bi-polar.  Given the fact that all of his close adult relatives have some type of mental issue, I wouldn't put it passed him.  However I am not sure a four year old can be diagnosed with such a disorder?

 

Of the symptoms below Lil' Man fits almost all of them.. YIKES

 

        VERY COMMON

• Separation anxiety
• Rages and explosive temper tantrums lasting up to several hours
• Irritability
• Oppositional behavior
• Rapid cycling (frequent mood swings, occurring within an hour, a day, or several days)
• Distractibility
• Hyperactivity
• Impulsivity
• Restlessness/fidgetiness
• Silliness, giddiness, goofiness
• Racing thoughts
• Aggressive behavior
• Grandiosity
• Carbohydrate cravings
• Risk-taking behaviors
• Depressed mood
• Lethargy
• Low self-esteem
• Difficulty getting up in the morning
• Social anxiety
• Oversensitivity to emotional or environmental triggers

  COMMON

• Bedwetting (especially in boys)
• Night terrors
• Rapid or pressured speech
• Obsessional behavior
• Compulsive behavior
• Excessive daydreaming
• Motor and vocal tics
• Learning disabilities
• Poor short-term memory
• Lack of organization
• Fascination with gore and morbid topics
• Hypersexuality
• Manipulative behavior
• Extremely bossy behavior with friends/bullying
• Lying
• Suicidal thoughts
• Destruction of property
• Paranoia
• Hallucinations and delusions

Another thing that peeked my attention was the fact that he does not respond well to stimulants. This statement caught my eye:

Most of our children initially received the ADHD diagnosis, were given stimulants and/or antidepressants, and either did not respond or suffered symptoms of mania such as rages, insomnia, agitation, pressured speech, and the like. In lay language, parents call this ‘bouncing off the wall."

I guess only time well tell.  Such a diagnosis wont change who he is, it will only help get him the services he needs to ensure he can reach his full potential.

Preventable

It amazes me that not much is known about FAS/FASD in the mental health community or within the county school systems.  Something so preventable needs more attended. Think before you drink. 

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder is the name given to a combination of mental and physical defects and disabilities first evident at a baby's birth and caused by the mother's consumption of alcohol. Formerly called FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) ARND (Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorder) or FAE (Fetal Alcohol Effects), the new term brings into focus the full range of problems a mother's drinking can have on her unborn child from severe physical malformation to a wide array of disabilities evidenced by behaviors.

Research has consistently found that the brain is the organ in our bodies most sensitive to the effects of prenatal exposure to alcohol and other drugs. Alcohol kills cells, including those in the developing brain. The pattern of the mother's drinking overlaid on the baby's development determines where the defects or disabilities will occur.

FASD in the number one cause of birth defects in the USA and the only one that can be prevented.

Some facts about FASD

• Maternal alcohol use is the leading known cause of birth defects in the United States.
• In the USA, at least 55,000 with FASD are born each year. (Those are the ones that are diagnosed. No one knows how many are never diagnosed at all, leaving both parents and children to wonder what's wrong with them.)
• FASD affect more newborns every year than Down syndrome, cystic fibrosis, spina bifida, and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome combined.
• The institutional and medical costs for one individual with FASD are estimated to be $1.4 million over a lifetime.
• In the USA, it is estimated that each year from $75 million to $9.7 billion is spent to help those with FASD.
• Alcohol-related birth defects are 100% preventable if a pregnant woman does not drink alcohol.
• There is no known safe amount of alcohol that a pregnant woman can drink and not risk damaging her baby.
• At least one in five pregnant women drinks alcohol at some time during her pregnancy.
The probability of having a child with FASD increases with the amount and frequency of alcohol consumed.

• Wine, beer or liquor all contain alcohol and all can cause damage to a developing baby.
• Alcohol can damage the baby at any stage of its development
• Alcohol kills specific cells in the developing brain. The pattern of cell death and subsequent defects vary with the stage of development at the time of alcohol exposure.
• If enough brain cells are killed, the brain (and therefore the head) will actually be smaller.
• Children with FASD are often not able to understand cause and effect, long-term consequences, sequencing or adaptation.
• FASD is found in all races and socioeconomic groups.
• The disabilities of FASD stay with these children throughout their lives.
• Many children who have FASD, but do not have the diagnosis are identified as behavior problems, when they behavior is actually a display of their disability

You wouldn't put beer in your babies bottle, so why would you drink when pregnant?

Oh the guilt

Tonight after story time, I spent a few extra minutes snuggling with Lil' Man. Instead of tucking him into bed and singing twinkle twinkle, I held him in my arms.  I began rocking him much like you would do a newborn .  He closed his big blue eyes, and cooed as he buried his head into my chest.

I sang twinkle twinkle, Humpty Dumpty, Ba Ba Black Sheep, all the while stroking his hair, and face. I can almost guarantee that he was not rocked or sang to as an infant.  He loves to curly up on my lap, and act like a baby.

When our snuggle time was over, he sat up give me a big old kissed.  He said  "I love you mommy, forever and ever."  Talk about tugging at the heart strings.  In response I said "I will love you forever, and ever, and ever ." We both laughed.

I then carried him over to his bed, tucked him in, and gave him a "squeezie" Good night sweet boy I will see you in the morning I said as I kissed him on the cheek. To which he replied "I'll see you in a few minutes Mom when I get up to go pee pee." A few seconds after my cheeks hit the sofa, I heard the little buggers door creek open.

"Mommy", he said with a big smile on his face.  "I have to pee pee."

Keepsakes

There is nothing more powerful, than a parent-child relationship.  When I think back to my childhood they are of mostly happy memories.  I do not remember a lot of my early years. Memories of  my childhood in Scotland are few and far between. 

However I have plenty of keepsakes to jog my memory.

As I look through my baby book, and listen to family members tell stories some of those memories come flooding back.

I am thankful that my Mother took the time to write down many of my firsts. She kept almost all of my birthday cards from my childhood, and several pieces of my art work from my primary school years. I even have a few of my baby teeth! (LOL)

Since Lil' Man came into our care, I have made sure that I take pictures of him every few days.

I started on his life book a few weeks after we "got" him.

I purchased a keep sake box, and have store many of his firsts.  I hope when he is old enough to understand he can look through the box, and understand how important he is to us.

I hope he knows that his Birth Mother did the best she could with what she had.  She didn't know any better.

I think about his future, and want nothing but the best.  It would be amazing to keep in touch with him once he is adopted. 

Knickers in a knot?

Tonight I went about my weekly shopping trip with coupons in tow. Target had a printable coupon for $1.00 ANY general mills  cereal.  I decided to pick up some of the single serve cups, as they are $1.00 each!

The cashier looked at the coupon, and told me that I could not use it on the single serve cups.   I asked why, and she said I had to buy a box of cereal.

I asked her to read the coupon, because when I looked at it, there was no size limit.  She read it over, and said I will take them, but no one else will. 

I said they shouldn't have a problem taking them, because there is no size limit.

I used them at target without issue last week.

It states $1.00 off ANY General Mills cereal.

She rolled her eyes, and scanned my coupon.

I hated to burst her bubble, but I spouted out the stores coupon policy.

"it is my understanding that publix accepts manufacture coupons, as well as competitors coupons.  Correct?"

To which she replied "yes"

So I asked her what the problem was.

and she rolled her eyes. "Nothing" she said

She said" I mean your getting them for free"

SO??? what???

At this point my blood was boiling.

I said you are acting as if I am stealing.  I am not breaking store policy.  I walked away

she shouted "thats right walk away."

WTF? @#$%^

Was I taking money out of HER pocket?

Was a breaking the rules?

Was I stealing?

She's lucky we live in a small town, or I would have given her an ear full.

As soon as  got into the car I called the store manager.  I went over what happened, and he told me that he was sorry.  He asked what time I checked our because he wanted to review the camera to see what happened.

He assured me that I was correct.

I take the time to print/clip coupons.  The store gets reimbursed from the manufacture coupons. As far as the competitors coupons, they chose to accept those.

I can't understand why she got her knickers in such a knot over a coupon. 

When I got home I decided to print TEN more of the same coupon.  I plan to return to the store tomorrow just to see what she has to say.

 

 

We are three..

My sister Lesley sent this to me, I thought it was sweet so I had to share.  My sisters are my best friends.

We are three sisters
Three sisters are we
I love each of you,
And I know you love me

We’re not always together,
Life sometimes keeps us apart.
But we're never separated
We’re in each other's heart.

Now I know we've had our troubles,
But we always get thru.
The real message is you love me,
And I also love you.

We have had lots of good times
That we'll never forget
Sometimes we worry
And sometimes we fret.

But if God ever gave me
Something special you see,
It might have been the blessing of,
Three sisters are we.

The Lord above has gave me lots
Of happiness and glee
But the most special thing he did was
Make us sisters, all three.

Twenty something

Today is my birthday, i’m getting old.  I am now closer to 30, than I am to 20.  I’ve heard its all down hill from here!  I was woken this morning by Lil’ Man, singing happy birthday! He was grinning from ear to ear.  He then asked “where’s the cake?”

I have a lunch date at 10:45am, at one of the finest restaurants in town.  The school cafeteria..Lil’ Man is so excited!

Yawn..

My two weeks of playing Mommy of three is coming to an end.  P and Willie B's parents will be home Saturday.It has been a lot of work managing two houses, four cats, one dog, three children, and one hubby.  I have enjoyed staying in the mansion (there house is about 6,000 sq ft), not so sure I want to go back home to my little two bedroom, one bath, sardine tin house. 

P proposed the idea that we all live together as one big happy family once his parents come back..I think not..

Lil' Man has had a blast having a sleep over with P, for two weeks straight!  I promised them tomorrow night they can sleep in the same room.  Hopefully this plan will not backfire, as Lil' Man is a little crabby pants if he does not get enough sleep.

Stuck in between..

My husband and I have been talking about possibility of giving up our therapeutic foster care license, and getting re-licensed through the state.

We originally signed up to foster with the therapeutic agency with the understanding that we would foster medically fragile children between the age of 0-5.

In order to get a placement we changed our license to foster children 0-7, and to include those with behavioral problems.

Our agency has been wonderful, they are so supportive.  If I send an email to Lil' Man's case worker she will return my email within a few hours.  Even on the weekend, and in the evenings!

His state case worker hasn't answered my email from two weeks ago.

However we have been told that we can get a medically fragile placement from the state within the 0-5 age range.

What's a girl to do?

Fostering children with such severe behavioral problems is not cake walk. Our house goes from clam and carefree to stressful, and loud in .5 seconds.  It's isolating, as "normal" people just don't understand.

Often times I find myself turning down dinner invites, and playdates, because its easier to stay home. That isn't the time of Mommy I want to be.

I'm stuck in between a rock, and a hard place. 

Any suggestions?