Friday, July 24, 2009

Get a backbone.

So I am not as tough as I thought I was.  I spoke with Lil Man’s case worker today before court.  She was calling to tell me that birth Mom called, and said she didn't think she would be able to make it to court.  She told me that depending on the judge, he may postpone the hearing.  Thankfully she did show, and TPR(termination of parental rights) took place.

She then asked me if we were interested in adopting him.  I regretfully, told her no.   The case manager went on to tell me, that she has a family in the next county over who is interested in meeting him.

I bawled like a baby.

How selfish of me.

This has been the goal from the start, to help our Lil Man find his forever family.

I just don’t want him to think he wasn't good enough, or that we abandoned him. 

I can’t bare to think of him laying in bed, crying for me, and me not being there to comfort him.

After I got myself together we headed to Chick fil A for his last visit. All was well until it was time to say good bye. There wasn’t a dry eye in sight.

The caseworker looked at me as if I had two heads.  I don’t think she understood why I was crying.

I was crying for my Lil Man, and for his BM. She did the best she could, with what she had. Sadly her best wasn't good enough.

I was crying for his 11 yr old cousin M, who told him. “I hope your new mommy let’s me visit you.” “I love you  Lil Man".”

I was crying for his aunt who tired to keep him, but just couldn’t because she didn’t have the proper resources.

Whether he is allowed future contact with his birth family, will be up to the family that adopts him. I hope they allow him to keep in touch, even if its only via email.

For now I have given his aunt my email address so that she can “check in”, and see how he is doing.


  1. Rest assured - you are not the only foster parent who has known in their heart that they are not the "forever family" for the child in their care - yet has laid awake at night worrying about who will take care of him when you are not there. I believe that children know when they are loved - and your love for Lil Man is so obvious! The transition will be tough and he will likely be confused at times. I encourage foster parents to write a letter to the child telling them how much they cared for them and what their hopes/wishes/prayers are for the child's future. I recommend that one go into his lifebook and the other you ask his caseworker to put into his file. Children have access to their files when they are adults and often come there to look for information. Looking back this will help him to understand his story and know that people did care for him along the way.

    I'll be praying for all of you during this transition. :)

  2. I currently have a foster child that everyone just assumes I will keep, but I know that we are not his forever family. Sometimes people don't understand how we can, "let them go" but I always say that I an caring for them until.

    My children that I adopted from fostercare were not very well taken care of so I very passionatly take good care of the children placed with me so that their forever family will get a well loved and happy child. It is clear that you love Lil' Man and he will carry that to his forever family. You are/were an important step in his life.


  3. Many Hugs Karen. You have done so much for Lil Man in the short time you have had him with you. And I'm sure you will be a very big part of his transistion to his "forever family" when that time comes.