Get a backbone.

So I am not as tough as I thought I was.  I spoke with Lil Man’s case worker today before court.  She was calling to tell me that birth Mom called, and said she didn't think she would be able to make it to court.  She told me that depending on the judge, he may postpone the hearing.  Thankfully she did show, and TPR(termination of parental rights) took place.

She then asked me if we were interested in adopting him.  I regretfully, told her no.   The case manager went on to tell me, that she has a family in the next county over who is interested in meeting him.

I bawled like a baby.

How selfish of me.

This has been the goal from the start, to help our Lil Man find his forever family.

I just don’t want him to think he wasn't good enough, or that we abandoned him. 

I can’t bare to think of him laying in bed, crying for me, and me not being there to comfort him.

After I got myself together we headed to Chick fil A for his last visit. All was well until it was time to say good bye. There wasn’t a dry eye in sight.

The caseworker looked at me as if I had two heads.  I don’t think she understood why I was crying.

I was crying for my Lil Man, and for his BM. She did the best she could, with what she had. Sadly her best wasn't good enough.

I was crying for his 11 yr old cousin M, who told him. “I hope your new mommy let’s me visit you.” “I love you  Lil Man".”

I was crying for his aunt who tired to keep him, but just couldn’t because she didn’t have the proper resources.

Whether he is allowed future contact with his birth family, will be up to the family that adopts him. I hope they allow him to keep in touch, even if its only via email.

For now I have given his aunt my email address so that she can “check in”, and see how he is doing.