Holding down the fort.

It has been just over a week since Parker, and Willie B's parents took off on their two week adventure. I will admit that taking care of three boys, (one with severe anger problems), four cats, one dog, and two houses is a shit load of work. I am totally re-thinking the big family thing.

The week went by without a hitch! Both boys made it to school on time. Yesterday hubby started feeling sick, just before our nieces birthday party.  We attended two parties back to back. (we skipped a third).  The boys had a great time, and were plenty tired at bed time.

Today hubby looked like he had been hit by a mac truck so I sent him packing.  I am afraid he has swine flu.  I would rather take care of the boys solo, than all of us end up with swine flu.

I decided to head North to the aquarium. The boys were so excited! They love fish, and run one from tank to the next.

After the aquarium we headed to target, and then back to T-ville. On the way home Lil' Man says in  the sweetest voice "mommy your a bitch" "tonight I am going to chop your head off"

Before heading home I  had to stop by the grocery store as Willie B was fresh out of diapers.

Lil' Man asked if he could ride in the car shopping cart.  Despite the fact that they are covered in other kids snot I said "if we can find one you can ride in it."

I looked at both entrances, and there was no car cart insight. I told Lil' Man that other child must be using the cart.  I gave him the choice of holding onto the side of the cart, or sitting in the back (Willie B was in the seat). 

Lil' Man choose to walk.  Half way down isle one the Lil Monkey took off running.  As soon as I caught up with him, I put him in the back of the cart.  This didnt fly with Lil' Man.  He stood up and threaten to jump out.  I ignored his threats until he was half way out of the cart.

I took Willie B out of the seat, and strapped Lil' Man in as tight as I could without hurting him. I knew all hell was going to break loose, because i've been there done that.

The threats began.

I am going to scream so loud, Lil Man shouted.

and that he did.

He wasn't gaining enough attention from the shoppers so he decided to start shouting "shut up bitch" over, and over again.

Then he demanded a cookie.

"You better take me to the bakery and get me a cookie."

Do you have any idea how hard it is to ignore him?

Since the name calling, demands, and screaming wasn't getting my attention he decided to turn around and pull P and Willie B's hair.

Normally I would have left the store, but I needed diapers, and a few essentials.  

I continued to shop one handed, while holding Lil' Mans hands together with my other hand.  I was tempted to walk down the pet isle and grab a muzzle. 

I just kept saying over and over again in my head. "it isnt his fault, he has brain damage."

You should have seen the look on the others shoppers faces.  Priceless!

Sometimes I just want to shout "he isnt mine"

Thankfully I live in a semi-small town and most people know I am a foster parent. 

The cashier and a few others in line were trying to console him.  I kindly asked them to leave him alone.  They were just making him rage even more.

So when we got home I told Lil' Man that I was very sad because of the way he acted in the store.  I told him he needed to sit in time out for 30 seconds.

As if that was going to work.  A 30 second time out, turned into another rage, followed by a 20 minute power struggle.  I was so pissed I had to phone a friend in order to calm down.

I hate it when he gets the best of me.  I know I shouldn't let a four year old upset me, but sometimes its hard.  Something as simple as picking up groceries shouldn't be so damn difficult.

Thankfully all is well now.  We ate dinner, had a bath, and now they are watching a little TV before bed.

Once they are in bed I plan to have a bottle glass of wine, along with a massive bowl of ice cream.

The first time!

Lil' man had a wonderful evening at home!!!! PRAISE GOD! We were not subjected to his verbal abuse.  He did not whine or cry, and he stayed in bed the FIRST time I put him in. 

I wish everyday could be like this.

Forever

So we have been talking to Lil' Man about how we are foster parents, and that one day he will get a forever family.  We talked about what a foster family is, and what a forever family is.  He was listening well, and even asked a few questions.

All was well until I pissed him off by not giving him a cookie.  Now all he says is "I want my forever family." "I don't  like this family anymore"

BLAH

I said I am sorry that you don't like our family, but we like you very much.  He screamed "I WANT MY FOREVER FAMILY NOW."  Love you too Lil' Man.

Missing my baby girl..

Isn't she beautiful?

www.angelteagyn.bravehost.com

Still hanging around

I took Lil' Man to the pediatrician this morning, because the nagging cough is still hanging around.  He have me a21  prescription for antibiotics.  So he is taking his abuterol inhaler every 4 hours, steroids twice a day, as well as the antibiotics.  Hopefully this combination will do the trick.

However the doctor warned me that he is seeing more and more children with a "chesty cough" that is lasting months.  He said don't be surprised if he is still coughing 3 weeks from now.

If he is still coughing when we go back we will will go with plan B.

My paper work load just quadrupled, it sucks having to write everything down.

Out numbered

Lil' Man has had a nagging cough for a little over 6 weeks.  We have been to the doctors office three times, in those six weeks.  First we were given a prescription for steroids.  Then it was an antibiotic, and then allergy meds.  Each time they said he sounded fine.

Well last night was the finally straw.  He was in bed fast asleep before 8pm.  He was coughing on and off all night.  Around 10pm he was coughing so much that he started projectile vomiting. 

I called the on-call nurse hoping I could get the first apt in the morning.  She told me to stick his head in the freezer (cold air helps), but it did nothing.

I could tell he was having problems moving air so it was off to the emergency room we went. His stats were in the low 90's.  Yet we waited and waited, four hours later the doctor made her way into his room.  She spent all of 2 minutes with us, and told me the respiratory  therapist would be in to give him a breathing treatment.

His stats immediately jumped to the high 90's.  They gave him two doses of liquid steroids, and we were on our way.

I finally feel asleep around 3:30 only to get up at 7:30 for work.  Yawn.  It's going to be a long two weeks, as P and Willie's parents left for Europe the morning leaving me in charge of their boys.

I am so out numbered I need a girl.

No melting down

We had a rough start at the beginning of this week, because Lil' Man had been in respite over the weekend.  The respite family was wonderful, he  just doesn't do well with change.

We paid the price on Monday, and Tuesday.

However he  has done really well the rest of this week.  Yesterday his daycare provider gave him a piece of candy at the end of the day.  We were on our way home for dinner, so I told him to save it until after we ate. 

Typically this would cause a major melt down, of "I want it now, its my candy.  "i'm not eating dinner." etc.  This time he said okay, I will save it until after dinner.  He didnt fixate on the candy, or obsessively ask if it was time to eat it.

He can write three letters in his name.

He is staying in bed!! (thank you god)

He hasn't been as defiant!

I am hoping that his worker will get around to calling the perspective adoptive family next week.  Visits will follow shortly after. 

It's time for this little guy to go to his forever family!

suckie

So I am applying for a new passport, because I lost my old one, and also because I got married last year.

I am having a lot of trouble filling out the application, because I don't know the answers to a lot of the questions.

I don't know the date, or year my parents were married.  nor the town they were married in.

I know that both my parents grew up in the town, I was born in, but I am not sure if they were born in the same town. 

It was a small town, so who knows if they had to go to the bigger city to be born.

It sucks...It's not like I can pick up the phone and call them.

Savings!!

I got up bright and early today (6:45am), to hit up the sales at my local Publix grocery store.  Here is a run down of what I bought.

4-10 packs of 100% juice Capri Suns

4-6 packs of Mott's apple sauce

4 bottles of Shout

1 bottle of Lysol disinfectant spray

1 bottle of Seventh Generation bathroom cleaner

1 bottle of Seventh Generation dish liquid

4 boxes of general mills cereal

1-48 count box of Mrs Paul's fish sticks

1-4 pack of Yo-plus yogurt

1-6 pack of Dan-o-nino yogurt

1-bottle of KC Masterpiece b.b.q. sauce

1-Hormel pork tenderloin

1-17lb bag of Kingsford charcoal

8-14lb tubs of tidy cats litter.

Before coupons, and in-store specials my total was $145.73 cents

Store coupons- minus $34.19

Vendor coupons  minus $37.73

advertised specials- minus $51.80

Total saved $123.72

I was out of pocket $22.01!

Nope, not this time.

It's a no-go.  Lil' Man will not be taken off speciality until he is adopted even though  he has made improvement. The plan is to move the 5 yr old girl into a long term respite home, as they have no other homes with available beds. If and when our Lil' man is adopted they will access the situation, and determine weather or not to leave her in the long term respite home, or move her to our house.

I also found out that Lil' Man's half brother has been taken into custody.  Such a shame.

I wish the case workers would talk amongst themselves before involving the foster families.  I get all excited, and start organizing things in my head as soon as I get a call. 

By now you would think I would know better.

What to do..

Today I got a call from our case worker.  She wanted to know if we had any updated info about Lil' mans adoption.  Nope DFAC's case worker hasn't said a thing. Despite me asking her all the time. 

The DFAC's worker is coming for her monthly visit tonight. Tomorrow is Lil' mans 6 month panel review.  I assume I will find out some more info then.

I was curious as to why she was calling me from her personal cell phone.  It turns out they have a 5 yr old little girl that they want to place in our home. However Lil' man is listed as "speciality" meaning he has to be the only child in the home. 

We provided respite for the little girl (along with her older sister) back in February (I think). Her sister was moved to a group home shortly after. Now the five yr old has disrupted her placement.  The foster parents want her out of the home ASAP.

What on Earth can a five yr old do that is so horrid that you want her removed from your home.  Surly she cant be "worse" (and I mean that in the nicest way) than Lil' man.

There has been talk of taking Lil' man off of speciality because has made such improvement. I am confidant in my ability to parent both of them at the same time.

However I do not want to risk Lil' man regressing..

to be continued..

That's my boy..

Upon dropping Lil' man at school today I gave him a hug and told him "have a great day, love you"  to which he replied "I hate you too." 

At least I got a little laugh out of seeing the other Mothers faces. 

That's my boy!

back to life

Our mini "vacation" was over before it even got started!  We arrived at the beach late Friday night only to discover a man had drown in the ocean a few blocks from the house.  They were unable to located his body. So that kind of put a damper on our plans.

Who wants to go kayaking knowing someone just lost their life because of the rip current. Thankfully they found his body early Saturday morning.  Such a horrible way to die.

We slept a lot, hung out at the beach, and ate a lot of good food.  BBQ, sea food,  a killer breakfast, and one too many ice cream's.

We drove home today, picking Lil' man up along the way.  He came running to us shouting "Mommy, Daddy."  with a big smile on his face.  He was bouncing off the wall, rolling around the floor, screaming and shouting.

The respite provider told us things went well.  He has a rash all over his chest an a bite mark on his arm. . I would hate to see what kind of shape he would be in if things didnt go so well.

super good

Just got off the phone with our respite provider.  She said Lil' man is doing great!  She said he slept well, and she is impressed with how smart he is.

That's my boy!

Are we there yet?

We made it to the beach after a painful seven hour trip in the car. Typically it only takes us four hours to get here, but we had a few stops along the way.  I also got my first speeding ticket.  I was a little bummed about that.  76mph in a 55 ouch!

We dropped Lil' man off with a respite provider.  It's kind of sad how easily he goes with  a stranger.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Oh no

I’ve made a name for myself at Lil’man’s school, and school has only been in two weeks.  The only time I  have had any lengthy conversations with the school was at the IEP meeting.

A friend of  mine told me today that a friend of hers (who is a aid at the local Elementary  school) is interested adopting a little boy.

The little boy is a student in one of the classes she helps out in.

My friend asked the aid what the Childs name is..Turns out it’s Lil’ Man. 

The aid then said “word around  school is that the foster family has their shit together, but they don’t want to adopt him.”

She cannot understand why we do not  want to adopt, “such a sweet little boy.” 

I told my friend “geez that makes me feel real good.”

Yes, he is a sweet little boy, and I love him.

We are foster parents, not adoptive parents.  We did not come into this to adopt.  We were chosen to be his foster family until he finds his forever family. 

I wonder what else they think about me.

a little R&R

Tomorrow we are driving to the beach to meet my sisters Lesley. It’s time for us to return Jannae, the passed four weeks have flown by! Lil Man will not be going with us, and I do not feel the least bit guilty.  He has experienced more since living with us, than he has in four years on Earth. 

Besides he doesn't like the beach..Something about the wet sand that drives him bonkers.

I haven’t told him about our trip or the fact that is he going to respite.  I don’t plan to tell him until we’re on our way to drop him off.  He doesn’t do well knowing things in advance.  He will just fixate on it, and all else will go down hill. 

Out and about

When Lil’man first came to our home, we put an alarm on his bedroom door.  The alarm chimed at night, if/when he opened the door.  Since he no longer wears pulls at night, we took the alarm off so that he would feel comfortable getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.

He has never gotten up, because he holds it all night.

When I went into his room this morning to wake him up there was an empty juice box on the floor.  I asked him where it came from. Lil’man told me “I got it out of the fridge when you were sleeping.”

I was highly impressed that he got up in the dark (he's scared of the dark), walked into the kitchen, and got a juice box out.  I was also impressed that he was able to open said juice box.

All the fine motor skills' practice is paying off!

However now that he as realized he can get up and out in the middle of the night, I am a little scared. What will I find tomorrow morning?

Dragging your feet

Lil man has been legally free for adoption for 2 1/2 weeks.  His case worker told me “things will happen quickly”, I asked her what she meant.  She told me he would most likely be with us for another 6-8 weeks.  Well 2 1/2 weeks have  passed and she hasn't  taken one single step in the adoption direction.

She told me she had a family in mind she was going to contact.  I gave her a little over a week, before mentioning said family to her.  She said “oh I am going to present them with a sibling group instead of Lil man.”

Okay…

Why not present them with BOTH ,and allow them to decided which is the best fit for their family.

She also told me that she would send me a coupon, and photo release  forum so that I could take Lil Man to get his pictures taken for his adoption packet.  nada

I am not trying to rush the little guy out the door. The longer he is with us the more attached we get to each other..  Keep in mind he has been in foster care since he was an infant. 

I hope she stops dragging her feet.  He deserves a forever family.

Those big ole thighs

I went to wake Willie B up from his nap today..When I walked into his room his little head popped up “I stuck, I stuck"

For a second I was a little worried.  I thought I was going to have to butter up those chubby thighs, in order to get the cutie out.  Thankfully I wiggled a little this way, and a little that way, and they slid out.

Silly boy.

Out of control

I knew today was going to be a rough one, but boy was in for a surprise.. Lil Man’s case worker was here this morning for one of her monthly visits.  Before she set foot in the door I told her “its a little wild in here.” 

I spent the entire visit trying to keep the other kids safe, while trying to semi control Lil Man.  He hit, spit, kicked, yelled, screamed, threw things, and told me to shut up.

The case worker was in shock.  Welcome to my life :)

I am beginning to wonder if the antibiotic he started on Friday is having a negative effect on him?

Breath in..Breath out

Oh me oh my..Lil Man has been off the hook since Friday.  Someone save me please.  He has been non-stop defiant, screaming, yelling, telling people to shut up, the whole nine yards. 

We had plans to go on a golf cart ride around the plantation, but I decided to stay home with Lil Man.  When hubby and Jannae left naturally Lil Man when nuts!

He threw his shoes at me, hit my in the face, and then slammed the bedroom door in my face. He told me to shut up, and not to look at him.

He kicked the door, and hurt his toe.  He then punched the door, and screamed because he hurt his knuckles.  He then tore his vinyl stickers off the wall, and crumpled them into little pieces.

I told him I was sorry he was upset, and asked him if he needed a hug.  He said “No bitch”, and slammed the door again. 

Now he is whacking his bedroom door into the closet door.

I am sitting on the floor up against the bedroom door.

Talking to him does no good, it just makes his aggression worse.  We have found that ignoring the negative behaviors works best.  Typically every 5 minutes I will say something along the lines of “I know your upset, would you like a hug or to read a book”

It hurts me to see him like that.  A child of 4 yrs old should not have to much aggression. 

He is currently laying on his bed screaming “I am a sleepy.” Every now and then another object flies around the room.

Do you know how hard it is to remain composed?  To sit silent when someone is trashing objects that you paid for.  When someone is calling you names, and trying to physically hurt you.

Blogging while he is having a fit might seem strange, but he is safe, and it stops me from totally focusing on what he is saying/doing.

Back again..

He finally gave in and allowed me to hold him. We talked about his feelings, and I rocked him for a few minutes.  He told me he was sorry, and that he loves me.

He is now contently playing on his bedroom floor.

I believe his behavior issues have been worse this week, because of the changes we had to make in our routine in order to get him to school on time. I guess I need to push his bedtime back another half an hour.  Which means he needs to be in bed by 7:30pm.

I hate that he has to go to bed so early.  By the time I get off work, and pick Lil Man up from daycare its almost 6pm  before we get home.  Hubby usually has dinner on the table, we eat, and then play for a little while. 

Before I know its bath time, followed by TV time.  At 7:45 we start our bedtime routine, which consists of us reading to Lil Man, and me singing twinkle twinkle. Hugs and kisses and  then light out.

Who knew blogging could be such good therapy. 

117 times

Is the amount of times we had to put Lil Man back in bed tonight, before he finally feel asleep. 

My blood is boiling..

I joined a FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome)  support group, not long after getting Lil Man. The group is mostly made up of foster, and adoptive parents. There are a few birth parents, who are raising their effected children.

Today on the group someone posted a question “Is the state responsible.” Her and her husband adopted a baby 15 years ago.  They asked about the possibility of FAS, and they were reassured that the bio Mom did not drink. Her 15 yr old daughter has full blown FAS.

The OP was saying how much hardship it has place on her bio children, as well as her marriage and finances.  She wanted to know if we felt the state should be partially responsible for her daughter. 

15 yrs ago not much was known about FAS. With most things in life there is no guarantee.  Once you adopt, (IMO) the responsibility is on you.

The moderator of the group went off on the adoptive mom for even asking this question. She was down right rude, and even told her to quit bitching.

You know I had to chime in.

At the bottom of one my emails I wrote

“While we choose to be foster parents, we did not choose for our little boys mom to drink.  She did that, and is living footloose with no responsibilities, and no consequences for her actions.”

The moderator(who is a BM)  responded with “Maybe in her case, it wasn't a choice, but a disease”

I came back with “In our case she wasn't an alcoholic she admitted to drinking one beer a day  until she was 3 months. She wasn't even legal drinking age.  Weather it's a disease or by choice, I think there should be some consequences for a birth mom's actions that cause LIFE long damage to a child.

If you were to shake a baby, and cause brain damage, you would go to jail for child neglect.  But its okay to drink, and do drugs, because its "just a fetus."

There is a foster mom in our town who has four siblings, all of them have FAS, BM is prego with number five.  Why should the BM stop drinking when she's prego, there are no repercussions.

The moderator then sent me a private email saying “I will not let you continue to lash out at birth moms.
You can stop now or be put on moderation.
And FYI I am not saying it because of "me" but the other who won't even post to talk about it because of attitudes like yours.”

You don't think losing your child is a "repercussion"???
:scratches head:

Of course I had to respond, because I cant keep my mouth shut.

In our case no, she could have careless about losing her son, because she had another baby.  Her words "I like that one (talking about our FS), but I really love this one" (her new baby).

This is a public form and I should be entitled to express my opinion without being privately emailed, and told to keep my comments to myself.  When I signed up for this group I did not see any rules that stated, I could not talk about BM. I am sorry if I offend any BM, but my feelings are just that..My feelings.. Having an effected child once, fine, but to have 2,3,4,or even 5 children is criminal.

So apparently I am supposed to sit back and say “its okay that you drank while you were pregnant.  Don’t worry honey we’ll take care of your child.  We will rock him to sleep when he has nightmares. We will beg him to stop picking his skin, because it’s clearly infected.  We will save him from getting hit by a car. We will rush him from Apt to apt, and make sure he gets his mediation. Go ahead have another drink..and why don't you have another baby while your at it?

NOT

Almost normal

Today after work we went to the park for a little while.  With the temperatures in the 90’s, and humidity near 90% we could not stay too long. I sat on the bench watching the kids play. Lil Man was interacting with the other kids like a “typical” child.

A few times he ran up to me, and gave me a huge with his bright, blue eyes batting at me.

The other Mothers on the playground had no idea that my Lil Man is different.  He climbed up the stairs instead of crawling up them.  He listened to me when I told him to use the stairs instead of climbing up the slide.  He didn’t make strange moaning noises, or hit when other kids got in his way.

He didn't poop his his pants because “I felt like it.”.

I sat on the bench the entire time, I did not have to shadow his every move.  I think back to how he acted when we first got him, and I am amazed at the amount of improvement he has made in such a short time. 

forgotten

You will never guess what happened to our Lil Man yesterday on his first day of school.

The daycare provider FORGOT to pick him up.  Preschool gets out at 2:30pm.  At 3pm I called to see if he made it to the daycare alright, and to see how is day went.

The assistant director answered and told me the daycare van was not back yet.  I called back 15 minutes later, and got no answer.  I assumed they were busy.  15 more minutes passed and I called again, still no answer.  It’s now 3:45, and something told me to call the school.  I called the school only to discover that my Lil Man was sitting in the office waiting on his daycare bus.

To say I was livid was an total understatement. I pulled up to the daycare just as one of the teachers pulled up in her personal car.

My lil man was happy to see me!

I read the daycare the riot act, and told them it would be in their best interested to make sure he is picked up everyday ON TIME. 

Can you believe that?

Atlanta

I already blogged about out weekend getaway, but my the husbands computer crashed just as I was publishing it. 

We had a fast, sleepless,  fun filled weekend, in Atlanta.  The kids and I arrived at our hotel just before 10pm.  Lil Man and Jannae were bouncing off the walls.  Jumping from one bed to another.  I finally got them both to sleep at little before 11pm.  We were up bright and early, thru no fault of my own.

We arrived at the aquarium only to discover that the tickets were sold out.  The place was swamped (think Disney world busy).  We purchased tickets to enter later, and headed for some lunch. 

We ate at Johnny Rockets, which the kids loved! They enjoyed picking songs from the jute box.  The employees put on a little show. 

We left Johnny Rockets just in time to enter the aquarium at our designated time.  Lil Man was attached to my hip, I was so nervous about loosing him.  He did not like the fact that he had to hold my hand the entire time.

He had a mini meltdown, which involved him screaming “I am going to kick that baby.” “shut up and don’t look at me.”  Thankfully it was so loud that not many people heard him, but those who did were shocked.

I would love to know what type of comments were running thru their heads.

It took us about three hours to get thru the aquarium.  There are a lot of touch tanks, and sea life that you do not see at your typical aquarium. 

My bestie and I decided that it was time for us to have some fun, so we headed to IKEA! We shopped for a few hours, and then ate dinner in the Cafe.  Before we knew it our time was up, and we were back on the highway.

We arrived home Saturday night just before 11pm. 

A great time was had by all.  Hopefully I will have removed from this trip before we meet up again in Nov!

First day of school!

Lil Man started school this morning, he cried when I dropped him off.  But I know he will have a great time.  He loves to learn, and he loves being around other children.  A little sad today that summer is over, I love the laid back days.