mommy guilt

The hubby and I are finally celebrating our first wedding anniversary tomorrow.  As foster parents we are not allowed to leave our foster children with baby sitters.  In order for someone to babysit one of our foster children they must have a background check, be first aid and CPR certified, and complete the required training.  They must also be over the age of 18, and can only care for the children in our home.

So tonight we are dropping Lil Man off at another foster home, so we can have a little respite.  I feel horrible dropping him off with someone he does not know.  I would not leave my biological child with a random person. 

Its a tough situation as newlyweds it's important we spend time together.  But at the same time we signed up to care for Lil Man, so that we must do.  I feel like I am failing him, he is going to be confused.  I just hope he does not regress.

I have not told him yet, because telling him this far in advance will cause his little head to spin out of control.  I will let him know about an hour before we leave.

The hubby and our case worker keep on assuring me that Lil Man will be okay.  But that doesnt make me feel any better.