emotions all over

What an emotional day.

The meeting consisted of Lil' Man's DFACS worker, her supervisor, our agency's director, and Lil' mans therapeutic worker myself, and the hubs.

The DFACS supervisor wanted him placed in a therapeutic home in which one parent stays home.  I commented that I didnt think that was a wise move, because he needs to learn to function at school. He cannot have one on one attention for the rest of his life.  I also said that I felt like the FP would get burnt out quickly.  I feel that moving him to another home is only fobbing the "problem" off on someone else, and not fixing it.

Our director said that we were the most qualified foster parents within agency, and that if we couldn't deal she didnt think any of the other families would be able to. She said we've done a great job advocating for him.  She knows we didnt want it to end like this, but its a sad reality.

It was decided that Lil' Man needs more help than we can give him (duh).  Since we live in BFE there is nothing suitable in our area.  He will be going to a residential facility about four hours away.  His case worker predicts that he will be there for 30 days.  We expressed our willingness to take him back if that falls within the recommendations.

I have a feeling they might leave him in the big city, because there are a million more resources specialized schools, daycare's, more professionals, etc than what we have here.

In the end I feel like the right decision has been made.  If he were medically sick we wouldn't think twice about taking him to the hospital for however long it took to get him better.  He is mentally ill, and needs treatment, more so than what we are able to offer.  I am gonna miss that lil bugger.  I really hope he ends up back in our care until he is adopted.

Tic Tac anyone?

7 weeks and 4 days.  I thought this interesting enough to pass along.  Of course those of you who have already given birth already know this stuff.

 

 

 

 

 

Your baby is now between 1/3 and 1/4 inch long—about the length of a Tic Tac and about as heavy as an eyelash. While that sounds tiny, he or she is approximately 10,000 times bigger than at conception. Crazy, huh?

notice

Sad to say but we gave our 30 days notice.  All of a sudden everyone's coming out of the woodwork with suggestions for us.  We're having a placement preservation meeting tomorrow. I assume they will try talk us out of our decision.

If things improved and we had more support, I would consider keeping him.  I am not sure what to ask for as far as support.

F#%K

Lil' Man got his walking papers from daycare today. They said he is so out of control that they can no longer care for him.  I am really stuck.  Do we give him up or do we keep on trying. 

What a week

Lil' Man has been off the hook since stopping the strattera. He has been more hyper, and defiant.  He hasn't slept through the night since we stopped it.  Getting up once an hour for the first 4-5 hours.  I called the psychiatrist but of course I got no call back.

The daycare has called me every single day about his behaviors.  The daycare is a huge source of stress for me.

Our little belly bean has been giving us problems. I've had three ultrasounds with a fourth scheduled for next Thursday.  So if you pray, say  a little prayer for our bean.

apt update

Today was Lil' Mans apt with the psychiatrists.   He told us to take him off of his strattera.  Apparently strattera makes some people manic.  I'm not buying it because he has been on the strattera for sometime.  The behaviors have only gotten worse the last 2 months. 

The psychiatrist said that if things get worse in the next few days he will up his respidol.  Cross your fingers for us please.

been feeling blah

I haven't been in the mood for blogging lately.  I've been very tired, and moody.  I took a million and one pregnancy tests hoping I was pregnant.

They were all negative :(

My cycle was late, and I had major cramps, and back pain.  I was 100% sure my endometriosis was back.  So  I made an appointment with the doctor this passed Monday. 

The dr came into the room and asked me a questions about my surgery (I had my surgery 4 hours away). I had forgot to have my records sent over.

She asked me about my tubes, and my ovaries.

I told her I lost my left tube, but I still had both ovaries. 

She said apparently your ovaries are working well because your pregnant.

My response  "I'm sorry but I don't believe you."

She said "oh you will in February!"

She sent me to the lab for a blood test, and to test my HGC levels which where 24,940!

Definitely pregnant!

On Friday I went for an Ultra Sound and we got to see our little peanut. 

Oh so tiny!

There was a heart beat.. Everything looks good!

moving

The psychiatrists office had a cancellation so we've got an appointment on Tuesday.  We start the IFI program on Wednesday.  Things are moving in the right direction.

Now if I can just get him to stop mooning the entire daycare, while doing "the booty dance"  life will be grand.

iffy

Things are so so here.  His behaviors have greatly improved at home, but he continues to rule the daycare.  They have called me everyday this week about his behaviors.  Today I had to pick him up.

My boss is getting tired of me taking off work because of his behaviors.  I already miss so much work because of his weekly appointments, foster care training, etc.

This crap wears you down.  I dont know how people do this forever.  I guess I had a different view of what foster care would be like.  I love this lil guy, but I dont always enjoy being around him. 

FB

Its never a good thing when one of your friends adds one of your foster children's bio's on their facebook page. 

YIKES

I wonder how they know each other.

deleted

Some of you seen the post that I wrote Friday night, and later deleted.  For those of you who didnt see it,  I was ready to give Lil' Man back.  If it had been during business hours I am certain I would have called his caseworker and told her so. 

Since then the hubby and I have done some soul searching, and we're just not ready to give up yet.  We really want to try the IFI program first.

(Lil' Man and hubby at the beach on Saturday.)

Things have been so so this weekend.  I have relearned to let go of the little things, and pick a choose my battles.  I've given up trying to control the situation.  When he comes to me bleeding (bc he picked) I just say oh thats great.  No more nagging/begging him to stop. No more blackmailing him because it doesn't work.   When he screams shut up, I walk away.  When he throws a fit, I "toss" him in his room, and leave him until he's finished.  When he calls me a bitch I just look at him and smile.

At the end of the day i'm trying not to hold a grudge.  (which is very hard to do)  I still take time to rock/sing to him before bed, because despite his meanness he's only a little boy.

A very broken little boy, but a little boy none the less.

Reader?

If you read here and have a blog, please list it in the comments section so that I can list it on my blog roll.  I read a lot of blogs but dont have them listed.

rested

Hubby dropped lil' man off at respite yesterday morning. Our agency insisted we take a break so that we would not burn out.  I was already burnt out.

It was nice not having to worry that the daycare was going to call while I was at work, or that Lil' Man was  going to be up all hours of the night causing him to be 100 times defiant.

I never realized how much anxiety I have over this lil guy. 

I feel refreshed, and well rested..  I've re-read my FAS notes, and I am ready to take on the world!  (if only it where that easy)

So tomorrow  I will driving 1 1/2 hours to pick up the little booger, and we will start all over again.  Lets just hope we can get everything back on track.  Or else I might up in a residential facility.

IFI

We are going to try the IFI (intensive Family intervention) program. 

The V Center’s Community Service programs are designed to provide mental health and substance abuse services for youth ages 5 through 17 and their families in a home setting.  The community -based programs are Intensive Family Intervention (IFI) and Community Support Individual Services (CSI).
Intensive Family Intervention (IFI)
Services are delivered by a team of clinical and community support workers, and are intended to improve family functioning and preserve in-home placement as opposed to residential care placement.  Led by licensed therapists the team is focused on providing services that work to strengthen the family’s functioning of each member individually and as a family.  Treatment focuses on crisis intervention, individual and family therapies, skills building, case management, and linkage with community resources.

Community Support Individual Services (CSI)
Mental health and substance abuse services are provided in the community to assist the child/youth with needed resources in order to more fully function.  The child/youth is assisted with personal development and school performance as well as enhancement of natural support and identifying substance abuse risk factors.  In addition, the child/youth and family may receive individual therapy, group therapy, family therapy, plus psychiatric and nursing services.

Keep your fingers crossed.

OMG-update

He got what he wanted...at lunch time he poured his milk on himself on purpose. They sent him home just as everyone else has done. Misson complete

OMG

Lil' man woke up at oh dark 30, in a shitty mood. I knew today was not going to be a a good day. We struggled all morning.  I finally dropped him at daycare only to get a phone call from the director.

"Lil' man sat on the teachers lap and urinated on her."

WTF

He preceded to say "You need to call my mama now, because I don’t have a change of clothes."

He has a change of clothes.

Thankfully the daycare knew what he was up too, and they did not send him home.  They wanted me to come to the school to talk to him. 

Which did no good at all.

I called his caseworker, i'm at a loss.  I don’t know what to do.  Typical stuff doesn't work, hell even the therapeutic stuff doesn't work.  She asked me if I wanted respite for a few weeks. 

I declined. 

The behaviors will still be there once he gets back from respite. The might even be worse.  I told her we need an emergency visit to have his meds changed/upped.  I cant wait until July.

Everything that we have worked toward the last year has gone to shit in a matter of months.  He had made so much progress .  He was making logical choices.  He was enjoyable.

Not so anymore.

puddles

 

Probably not the best thing to do with all his "wounds".   but oh well... You only live once.

 

summer

We're enjoying summer break.  Lil' Man has been staying up later (8:30), and sleeping in until 8ish.   We've been to the pool, played in the sprinkler, been to the beach, and the lake. We've been attending all of the free shows at the library, and going to wild adventures.

Today we took a 3 hour nap, after getting up early to go yardsailing.  Lil' Mans behaviors have be so/so at home,  however he still continues to pick.  Hopefully  we will get it under control soon.

puppet

Yesterday the boys, and I went to a puppet show at our local library.  It was great!  Lil' Man was a little unsure of the whole thing.  He sat with big eyes, and his mouth hanging open.  At one point he said "my stuff animals don't talk."

Our local library has a ton of great shows, and their all free!

crabby pants

I spoke to soon.  Lil' Man was up almost all night. He went to bed at 8pm, and messed around until 10pm.  He was up again at 1am,until God knows when.  He appeared again at 4am and was up until 6am.   Since hubby doesn't have to leave  for school until 11am, we let Lil' Man sleep till 9am. 

His  bed was covered in blood.

He was picking while he was awake.

Hubby drove him to daycare after breakfast only to be told by the director "he needs to be here by 9am or he cant attended unless he has a doctors note."

WTF?

It's daycare not school.

and that would have been nice to know when we first signed him up.

I told hubby next time we will just take him grumpy as all get out and they can deal since he has to be three by 9am.