Friday, October 8, 2010


Last night I cried myself to sleep.  As each month passes its getting harder not easier. It seems everyone and their Granny is pregnant.  People ask "how are you doing." I just smile and say "okay" because they really don't want to hear what I have to say.

Since hubby's surgery is this month we're kind of in "limbo". If surgery is successful his count should  be normal by January.  January seems like a lifetime away.

We have waffled back and fourth trying to decided if we should go see the fertility specialist or not. I canceled the appointment we had on Wednesday.  By Thursday I was freaking out over the cancellation.  (NUTS)

It doesn't help that the phone isnt ringing.  Are we not even good enough (in God) eyes to be foster parents?


  1. Oh honey. I don't know what to say, but I KNOW you are an amazing, loving person. Hugs hugs hugs.

  2. it took me about 5 years before that sharp pain in your heart and stomach lessened. It does fade to bearable. I can say that because it's been 22 years now. All I can say is grieve in your own way...

  3. God loves you and is going to giving you something amazing, I can tell by your mention of HIM that even though you are mad at HIM and think that HE has forgotten you that you BELIEVE.

    He loves you, so so much. Just give HIM a chance to really work some miracles. Don't loose heart.