One day at a time

 

One year has gone by, how can it be?

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without affect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you,
for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just around the corner.

All is well.

Just last year.

Below are a few of my posts from this day last year. In some bazaar way it helps me to read over my old entries.

Posted Nov 29, 2007 8:37am

When Mark, and I left the hospital last night Mum's temp was down because of the cooling blanket. Her heart rate was around 116. She looked very comfortable.

Her stats were still a little low despite being on 75% oxygen. She was stating around 93-94% (normal being 98-100) She is still very heavily sedated, which makes her "look worse".

Mum is very sick, the Dr's no not think she is going to make it. They are still asking us to "turn her off". But we are not at that point yet. We are waiting for the infection to clear. She was doing so much better before she caught the infection. If the infection does not clear, or if Mum gets worse, we are going to have to make some hard decisions.

Here is what we are looking at if all goes in our favor: 1-2 more weeks for the infection to clear, then trach/peg tube surgery, 10 day recovery from that,then start new chemo combo.

Its hard to be sure we are making the right choices, its hard not to be selfish.

Please pray that while we are waiting for things to get better, that Mum's cancer does not grow. Please pray that Mum is not in any pain, and that we are making the right decisions.

Thanks,

Karen

Posted Nov 29, 2007 10:25am

I just got to the hospital about an hour ago, Mum's stats are in the low 80's. Her heart rate is high in the 140's. IT SUCKS... Her blood pressure is low, and her oxygen has been turned up to 85%. Her temp is still there, despite medication, ice packs, and the cooling blanket.

I am sitting here having my own pity party..

I am so angry, it just isnt fair. Why us? Why our Mum? Our Mum has done nothing wrong in life. She took great care of us, and gave up "stuff" just to make sure we had the best Haven’t we gone through enough? As selfish as it sounds.. When I get married, I wont have any parents at my wedding. My babies wont get to know my Mum or Dad. My Mum wont get to hold my children. IT ISNT FAIR.

I feel like we've been robbed. It makes you wonder who's next.

Posted Nov 29, 2007 4:41pm

Today is Nicola's 30th birthday.. It's sucks that I have to write this message on her birthday.

Mum's fever has gone away, and her stats have calmed down, but I fear they have calmed down, because Mum's body is shutting down. The Dr said he thinks our Mum is going to die within 1-3 days while on the vent.

If we take her off the vent she will die within a few min to a few hours. Everyone is on their way to the hospital, and we will see what happens from there.

My Mum is still sedated, she keeps moving her arms, and likes it when someone is holding her hand. I just washed her face, and put on her face cream. Then lotioned her hands.

Karen

Our six little bit's

 

Family pictures

Thankful for

Life, and its ever changing experiences..

I was going to write a long post about everything,  and everyone I am thankful for but quiet frankly that will take too much time.

I am thankful for the life that was given to me 20 something years ago.  While I am saddened by some of my life experiences, the good times surely out way the bad.

Those "experiences" weather good or bad, made me into the person I am today.

Happy Thanksgiving..

.

Cake anyone?

My sister Nicola reminded me today of,cornflake cakes, a childhood favorite.  After visiting the three grocery stores in town FIVE times tonight, I was unable to find golden syrup.  I finally gave up and used corn syrup as a substitute.

INGREDIENTS

• 3 1/2 tablespoons butter
• 4 tablespoons golden syrup
• 4 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped
• 2 3/4 cups cornflakes cereal

• In a saucepan over low heat, combine the butter, golden syrup and chocolate. Cook and stir until butter and chocolate have melted and everything is well blended. Mix in the cornflakes cereal. Drop by heaping spoonfuls onto waxed paper or a buttered baking sheet. Place in the refrigerator until set, about 15 minutes.

 

Enjoy!

From youngest to oldest..

 

 

 

 

 

This holiday season.

As most of you are aware my niece, Teagyn passed away from a rare disorder at 4 1/2 yrs old. With the help of you, and others we hope to one day find a cure, so that no other family has to suffer as we have.

Whenever you shop online please consider shopping via Igive.   Igive will donate a percentage of your purchase to an organization of your choice. It costs you nothing, and it can also be used as a tax deduction.

Igive.com has over 600 well known stores, please sign up today, and select  Zellweger Baby Support Network as your organization.

To learn more about Zellweger baby support network, please visit our website @ ZBSN.org

Worried you might forget to use Igive?  You can download a free shopping window, that pops up when you go to the store of your choice. 

To learn more about our angel please visit, Teagyn's website

Thanks for your support, it truly means a great deal to myself, and my family.

Karen

Nope..

We're not licensed yet..

Hanging out on River Street, Savannah

 

Beach fun on Tybee

 

 

Last year

 

This time last year,  I was sitting in the GICU in a Norfolk, VA hospital praying to God to please save my Mum's life.  I was staring death in the face, but just couldn't wrap my head around life without my Mum. 

Here is my post from that day, one year ago today.

Posted Nov 21, 2007 9:06am

If you have not read yesterdays update please go back, and read it. There hasnt been any changes today, Mum is still the same, holding on.

Last night we told Jannae that "Grandma is sick like Teagyn". She automatically new what we meant, that grandma could die. Its so sad, I feel so bad for her, she's only six, and in her short life she has lost two grandpa's, great gran, a cousin, and a kitten ( a big deal to a 6 yr old), and now she is faced with the possibility of losing her Gran. It doesn't make sense. Its so unfair

She is scared of the doctor, and thinks that if you go to the hospital you die.

Just keep praying, something/someone has to be rooting in our favor.

Karen

Posted Nov 21, 2007 12:08pm

Update number two for the day...

We have talked with the doctors, and have decided to leave Mum on the vent for a few more days, as she is not strong enough to undergo surgery at this time. Hopefully by Saturday her infection will be gone, and we can proceed with the trach/ped tube then.

They had to increase the amount of pressure they are using to expand Mum's lungs, which can be dangerous. If they expand too much they can "pop" like a balloon. But the increased pressure is allowing Mum to relax. She is still heavily sedated, when she is awake she is breathing/fighting against the vent.

Lets hope a few more days will of rest will clear the infection, and stabilize Mum's breathing, and heart rate. We just have to take things hour by hour.

Just keep praying

Nine days after that post, my Mother passed away with all of us by her side.  There was nothing we could do, not amount of love, tears or prayers could save her.  It just wasn't meant to be.

Life can be so cruel so unfair, how much heart break can one person take?

Can I get some rest?

 

Yesterday we left the house around 9:30am  to head to the Atlanta airport.  We arrived about five hours later, after stopping for lunch, and getting lost along the way.

The Smith's checked in for their flight and headed to the security area.  That's when the tears started flowing. It's hard living 3,000 miles away from family.  It breaks my heart to know that I will not be as close to Erin, and Carrie, as I am to my other nieces, and nephews. 

My hubby decide some retail therapy would cure my sadness so we headed to Ikea, where I quickly spent $400.00 on items for my foster care nursery.

We finally pulled into hickville somewhere between 12 and 1am. I am so over road trips, in total we drove over 2,600 miles in 24 hours of driving.

A sneak peak..

at our family pictures that were taken last week..

Nicola, and Jaxon

Mark, and Sharon with their girls Carrie, and Erin.

New's flash

 

According to our intake coordinator we should have our foster care license in our hands this Friday, but I am not holding my breath..  I will let you know if we get it.  Keep your fingers crossed..

I'm back

Don't worry people I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth, I've just been running around like a chicken with his head cut off.  Thankfully we all all got over our sicknesses within 24 hours.  For a  brief  moment  moment Wayne was in panic mode thinking I was expecting, no thanks to my sister's and sister in law, saying I had morning sickness.

During our last few days on Tybee we rented bikes, climbed the light house, played on the beach, ate a lot of ice cream,  and ventured to down town Savannah for dinner, and a look around the shops.

Last Tuesday we packed up and headed South to Orlando, where we met Mickey and his crew. We swam in the pool, and socked in the hot tub.  We even watched the rocket launch while hanging out by the pool. We shopped till we dropped, ate more food in one day than most people do in a week.

If I didnt know my brother I would swear he is a police officer every time I turn around he's got a chocolate doughnut hanging out his month.

My sisters headed home to Virginia on Sunday, and we (Wayne, my bro and his family and I), ventured on over to my neck of the woods. They have a few more days state side and will return home at the end of the week. 

Check back later pictures..

missing you..

 

 

 

45 Lessons of Life

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next  small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't  take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards  every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to  disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8.  It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement  starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate,  resistance is futile.
11 . Make peace with your past so it won't screw  up  the  present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry
13. Don't compare  your life to others'. You have no  idea  what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret,  you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.  But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the  mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful  or  joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19.  It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you  and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life,  don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets,  . Don't save it for a special occasion.  Today is  special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now.  Don't wait for old age to wear  purple.
24.  The most important organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your  happiness, except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these  words:  'In five  years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone  everything.
29 What other people think of you is none of your  business.
30.  Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a  situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you  are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34.  God loves you because of whom God is, not because  of  anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the  most of it  now.
36.  Growing old beats the alternative--dying young.
37. Your children get only  one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. All that truly matters in the end is  that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting  everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone  else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have  all you  need. 
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up,  dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but  it's still a gift

Day five, full of sickness

 

For the passed 24 hours I have been dizzy, spinning like crazy every time I lay down. This morning I started vomiting, and haven't stopped since. Jaxon woke up with a fever, and runny nose.

Tonight Erin has been coughing on and off, and Alex had a slight fever before bed.  Now Nicola is complaining of a sore stomach.  Now this is what I call a great vacation!

Today we spent 1 1/2 hours having our pictures taken, it was a lot of fun despite feeling sick.  Our photographer took over 1400 pictures, so there is bound to be a few decent ones. 

The rest of the day we laid low.  Some of us took naps, while the others went shopping.  We strolled down to the ice cream shop, and ventured over to the park. 

Hopefully everyone will be feeling better by tomorrow, in time for our next road trip.

Vacation day three and four.

 

After visiting the Georgia aquarium,  a  few shops, and dinging on some good  food, we headed East to Tybee Island where we met up with Nicola, and Lesley.

The kids were down at the beach with in twenty minute of us pulling into the drive way.

We celebrated what would have been our Dad's 55th birthday by having a BBQ, and a toast in his honor with a glass of his favorite vodka in hand. 

Today we went to an art show, followed by play time at a local park. The kids participated in a crab race, Jannae, and Alex both took first place.

After lunch we  went in search of treasure using a metal detector.We came home $.26 cents richer!!

The kids are having fun getting to know each other, and running around like mad  both inside, and outside of the house. I wont be able to post very many pictures as I forgot the transfer cable to my camera.

Day two

 

Can you spot the tourists?

 

Sporting sun hats, shorts, and skirts in November..

.

Vacation day 1

 

We arrived at the airport after a four our car ride, only to wait two hours for Mark, and his family to clear customs.  I was bursting with excitement, and could hardly contain myself. . 

Finally the elevator opened, and I spotted the bald spot, that belongs to my brother!   Both girls were shy, and where not so sure of Wayne, and Myself.

It took a mini van, as well as Wayne's lil focus to get all the bags, and people in. Four adults, two kiddlets, five suitcases, a double stroller, wheelchair, a few carry on's, a box of gifts, and a few other bits and bobs!

We headed to the hotel to unload the bags. Once the bags were out, we were able to fit into the van, so we ventured to find the closest Taco bell, as my dear sister in law has been waiting six years for taco bell!

After   we stuffed our faces ate our tacos, it was back home to bed, after a long day of traveling. 

I am my Mothers, daughter

 

It's 10:37 at night, and I have a million things to do to prepare for our trip, and I just spent 20 minutes lint rolling my guestroom bed sheets.

If I don't laugh, i'll cry.

 

This weekend was spent working on our lovely little house.  We waxed/polished our hardwood floors.   We were working on the hall way, and had to remove our floor grate.  Wayne was down on his belly (cant kneel), scraping the floor. He went to stand up, and fell into the hole where the grate was.

As I was laughing my ass off, helping my wounded puppy hubby up I got into trouble for laughing at him. oops

Before we finished Spud, and Lilly our cats made their way into the hole, Spud managed to get stuck, and Lilly some how made her way outside.  (which means we have a hole in our AC ducts somewhere) Nice to know we are heating and cooling the great outdoors.

At the same time Pete escaped out the front door. You all should know what trouble Pete gets into when he's on the loose.

We spent a good half an hour chasing cats.  Unfortunately I was left with a few war wounds from the cat fight I had with Lilly.

We leave for vacation in less than 48 hours.  We're still not done waxing the floors, I am up to my eye balls in dirty laundry.  I have to go to the store to get kitten supplies for while we're gone. I have to round up carseats, a pack n play, and a few other baby items for my niece's to use.

No big deal, we have plenty of time!

I also have to work all day today, over night tonight, and all day Tuesday. Some how I am supposed to squeeze a pedicure into my schedule.

and what do you think happens today? Wayne wakes up with a red nose that's swollen to three times the normal size. Wayne has had more medical problems in the last three months, that he has had in his entire life.

The big red nose should look great, in our family pictures. At least I can pretend the red nose was intentional since I will be using one of the pictures for our Christmas card.

Mirror mirror on the wall..

 

(L-R) Pete, Spud, and Lilly

Who's the fattest one of all?

Lilly eating everyone's left overs..scavenger

She licked them clean..No need to wash them..

P.s check out the shine on my floor!

Better late than never..

Alex- the monkey Jannae-Mini Mouse and Jaxon-Mickey!

Please excuse the watermarks I have decided to watermark all the pictures which will make them harder to edit.