Gone

Gone nuts, be back later.

Lil' Man is driving me insane.  He has been super duper defiant. Whining, crying, shouting, screaming.  I am trying so hard to shower him with love, while trying to get things under control.  But its hard. 

Its hard to sit and play cars, or build a house out blocks, when he's in one of his moods.  He gets in a negative cycle, and it's a piece of work to get him out of it.

I received nothing but negative reports from school last week.  He peed himself multiple times every day last week.  He has woke up soaking wet each and every morning.

He is refusing to eat breakfast lunch or dinner, unless its a PBJ. But that doesn't fly here.  Eat what your given or wait until your next meal.

I know it's because he was in respite for two weeks. I am hoping it passes soon.  He was doing so well before we left.  Not sure I can take many more defiant days.

I am special! :)

Thank you Nichole for my second blog award :)

7 THINGS ABOUT MYSELF THAT READERS MAY NOT KNOW:

1. I have super big feet (size 11)

2. I am the tallest of four my siblings, but  the youngest.

3.  My knees and ankles  click when I walk down the stairs (I get that from my Mum)

4. I do not like the TV on unless I am able to watch it.  The background noise drives me nuts.

5.  I am a little OCD when it comes to organization. Especially when it includes the kid toys, clothes, etc.

6. When we first moved to the U.S.A back in 92.  We were super poor.  No food, and no furniture poor.

7.Despite living in the states since I was nine, I still have a Scottish accent. 

I nominate:

Dana and J

Smarty pants

Sometimes I wonder what I got myself into.  Lil' Man has been having a hard time since we got him back. Mostly because he was running the show at the respite house.

Do  they license anyone with a clean record to be a foster parent?  When Lil' Man walked into the home we were sitting waiting on him.  He walked in with a value meal, which included a large COKE.  He was up until at least 1am every night (refusing to go to sleep).  He refused to eat anything other than cereal, and Mc D. 

I am not in the mood for his mind games.  Why can't he just behave for two minutes.?  It seems he gets into negative cycles and has a hard time coming out. 

He peed himself again today for the 7th time since Sunday.  When we got home, I told him he needed to put his Pj's on because I was not giving him anymore clean clothes. 

He told me "I am gonna pee in my pajamas, and then you will have to give me clean clothes". "Ahh ha".."Then I am going to hit you with me wet Pj's". 

Such a smart little boy, if only he could channel this negative energy into something positive.

VENT OVER!

How sweet

Is this picture of my sweet baby girl Teagyn?

Too much

We met with the gyno again today.. All of this is too much to take in.  Surgery has been canceled for Friday.  On Monday I am going for a ct-scan, so that the Dr can get a clearer vision of what he is dealing with.

For sure the left ovary has to come out, still 50%, 50% on the right one. He wants to make sure the cysts are benign before we begin with the egg retrieval

I would hate to come out of surgery with no ovaries, and no frozen eggs.  I cannot believe how much egg retrieval costs.

Because of the size of the cysts, they cannot be removed laparoscopically.  There goes my hopes of wearing a bikini one day.. ha ha

spooky!

Lil' Man and the hubby had a blast carving their pumpkin after dinner last night.

scrap that

I just got off the phone with the doctors office.  The hubby and I are going back tomorrow to go over our options with him.  He cannot guarantee that I will come out of the surgery with one or half of an ovary. So for now the surgery will more than likely be canceled.

We will be visiting a fertility specialists to discuss our options regarding harvesting my eggs.  My head is spinning I wasn't expecting any of this.

I will still need to have surgery soon, because the cyst can rupture, which would cause other problems.

The shitty part is my insurance sucks, it won't cover egg retrieval or egg storage, let alone IVF.

I am not against adopting a child, but I would still love to experience pregnancy and child birth.

I feel like there has been a death in the family.  Am I nuts?

Sponsoring

My sister Lesley, needs help! (in more than one way ha ha) She is raising money to support her local children's hospital.  The Children's hospital of the kings daughters was a home way from home for us.

We spent many many months in CHKD during Teagyn's fight for life. Sadly it is also where she passed away.

Would you consider sponsoring my sister in memory of Teagyn?

http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?SID=2408164

under the knife

Today I had a doctors appointment to go over my ultra sound results.  I have a softball sized cyst on my left ovary, and one about half the size on the right side.

My left ovary will have to come out, we're hoping to save all of or at least half the right one.  There is a small chance both will have to be removed.

Surgery begins bright and early Friday morning.  Due to the size of the cyst of the left hand side, I am not a candidate for laparosopic surgery so under the knife I go.

Having one ovary does NOT reduce your chance of conceiving naturally. Obviously having only half of one or none, changes things slightly.   If both have to be removed, we will be harvesting my eggs.

Talk about shit luck .  I want nothing more in this world than to carry my husband baby. To feel it kick, and watch it grow.  To wonder who he or she will look like. To find out that might not be possible is kind of hard to swallow.

I know things could be much worse, and I should just be thankful it isnt something terminal. 

Can I get a break? Between Teagyn disease, and my might fight against breast cancer, I am over all this medical drama. 

state side

We made it home around 2am last night after almost 24 hours hours of traveling.  Our flight was delayed for 6 1/2 hours.  Plus we had a 4 1/2 hour drive home from the airport.

Today we went to pick Lil' Man up at 5pm as planned.  No one was home when we got there.  I called the on call case worker to figure out where my kid was.  After sitting around for an hour, I got a call back from the on call case worker.  The respite Mother was at work, and Lil' Man was at daycare (on a Sunday?)  That would have been nice to know when I told them I would be there at 5pm to pick him up.

Lil' Man and the respite Mother showed up at 8pm.  I am not sure who was happier that we were there. Lil' Man or the respite Mother. Apparently he showed his rear the entire two weeks.

We arrived home a little after nine.  I gave Lil' Man a quick hair cut (I like a clean cut kiddo lol). A quick shower, some gifts, and finally snuggle time before bed!

He went to bed without a problem.  Happy to be home, and in his bed.

I have some more laundry to do, before I hit the hay. 

Down South

The hubby and I have been on the go non-stop since we landed almost two weeks ago.  This passed Saturday we flew down to England for a few days.  We rented a car, and traveled down to Kent.  Re-tracing the hubbies family history along the way.  The first night we stayed in a country B&B.

We set off bright and early the next morning, and headed to the Canterbury Cathedral. While in Canterbury we went on a river tour, we strolled the streets of a medieval town.  Followed by a trip a little further south to the white cliffs of Dover! 

After our stop at the white cliffs we headed back to the airport area to return our hired car.  We spent the night in an airport hotel, and set off bright and early for the city.

We took the train into the city, followed by the under ground train to our hotel.  Once we dropped off our suitcases we headed out sight seeing.  We started off on foot,  but decided there was too much to be seen.  So we bought a 24 hour open top tour bus ticket which allows you to hop on and off as you please. 

We seen everything from Big Ben to Buckingham Palace, and everything else in between.  I even managed to squeeze in a shopping trip to Harrods all in less than 24 hours! 

I will need a vacation from my vacation once we return home.

Carrot top

Nobody, I mean nobody

I am sitting in the Glasgow airport, half asleep and freezing my rear off.  Temperature outside is a cold, and cloudy 28 degrees! Our flight has been delayed due to the frost.

I am highly impressed with the amount of security measures that are in place within the airport. The hubby was stripped searched as, was his c-pap machine. I was hand patted down, by an old lady.

You cannot drive a car within 200 feet of the doors.  There are barricades blocking the way.

About three years ago, three Muslim Doctors from a local hospital in Scotland tired to run a burning car into the airport.

Thankfully a local man (now hero) drug the men from the burning car, before they hit the building.  All the while shouting "Nobody Fu#k's with Scotland"

Gotta love it.

Get yer pictures

My cousin Finley, Nieces Erin, and Carrie

 

My Gran waiving to us out the window.

Me with a piper.

 

The hubby, standing next to the royal apartments.

 

Highland cow

Pollock house, and gardens, Glasgow, Scotland.

 

 

Me, and my niece Erin

 

 

Me, the hubby, and my Gran. (note to self no more chocolate)

Busy busy busy

We've been super busy visiting friends, and family.  We took a day trip  on the train to Edinburgh.  While in Edinburgh we took an open top bus tour.  Along the route we  visited the Edinburgh Castle, National Gallery of Art, ate fish and chips, and did some shopping on Princess Street.

Tomorrow Wayne, and I are Heading down to England for a few days.  Check back later for some pictures.

Nine today!

Did you think I would forget your birthday sweet girl just because I am on vacation?

NEVER

Happy 9th birthday Teagyn, enjoy your party with all the other angels, I am sure grandma and grandpa will spoil you rotten. Be on the look out for your balloons, we will send them later on all the way in Bonnie Scotland. Love Auntie, and Uncle Wayne

Teagyn was born on October 13, 2000 with a rare genetic peroxisomal disorder by the name of D-bifunctional protein deficiency. Sadly on Janurary 8, 2005 Teagyn lost her battle, and went home to be with God. Teagyn was the light of our life, in her four short years she endured more, than most adults will in a life time. Despite her illness Teagyn lead a full life, she enjoyed playing with her daycare buddies, and her cousin Jannae. She liked painting, going to the park, playing in the backyard, eating chocolate, and of course drinking slurpees. Not a day goes by that her precious face does not cross my mind. I often wonder what she would look like, or what she would be "into" if she were still here on Earth.

Birthdays In Heaven

Are there birthdays in Heaven?

Does the angel blow his horn?

Announcing to everybody That this is the day you were born?

Can the stars be your balloons?

And angel food your cake?

Presents wrapped in moonbeams

All the angels helped to make.

Birthdays meant so much to you

They were always a big deal Birthday presents,

lots of friendsAnd perhaps a special meal.

So I'll whisper a little prayer today

Asking everyone up above To sing you a Happy Birthday song

And give you all my love.

Author unknown

Picture

The hubby, my niece E and, I.

William Wallace monument

Stirling castle

  Overlooking the town of Stirling.

Wind Farm..how cool

In Honor of

My sweet baby girl, who will be celebrating her ninth birthday in Heaven on the 13th. Please consider reposting this message on your own  blog.

As most of you are aware my niece, Teagyn passed away from a rare disorder at 4 1/2 yrs old. With the help of you, and others we hope to one day find a cure, so that no other family has to suffer as we have.

Whenever you shop online please consider shopping via Igive.   Igive will donate a percentage of your purchase to an organization of your choice. It costs you nothing, and it can also be used as a tax deduction.

Igive.com has over 600 well known stores, please sign up today, and select  Zellweger Baby Support Network as your organization.

To learn more about Zellweger baby support network, please visit our website @ ZBSN.org

Worried you might forget to use Igive?  You can download a free shopping window, that pops up when you go to the store of your choice. 

To learn more about our angel please visit, Teagyn's website

Wanna help spread the word?  Please consider reposting this message on your own  blog

Thanks for your support, it truly means a great deal to myself, and my family.

Karen

busy busy

Yesterday we did some shopping, and a whole lot of sleeping! Later on in the day we had a birthday party for my sister in law.  Today we took the girls (Carrie, and Erin) for a walk down town.  We had lunch at a bakery, followed by a look around town.

We've ate, ate, and ate some more. Went to a few more shops, and then the park before heading home.

Just taking it easy until we get acclimatized.

Just about to go to the chippy.  I can't decided between a fish supper or a black pudding supper..

an award

My blogging buddy De,  gave me a blogger award!

Thanks De!
And now for the rules:

1. Answer the questions below using only one word. Very difficult!
2. Thank the blogger who gave it to you. Thanks again, De!
3. Pass it on to 6 of your favorite bloggers.

And we’re off!

1. Where is your cell phone? home

2. Your hair? straight

3. Your mother? Heaven

4. Your father? Heaven

5. Your favorite food? yummy

6. Your dream last night? none

7. Your favorite drink? Dr Pepper

8. Your dream/goal? Happiness

9. What room are you in? bedroom

10. Your hobby? travel

11. Your fear? death

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy

13. Where were you last night? plane

14. Something you aren't? Snobby

15. Muffins? Chocolate chip

16. Wish list item? baby :)

17. Where did you grow up? Scotland

18. Last thing you did? brushed (teeth)

19. What are you wearing? Pj's

20. Your TV? big

21. Your pets? cats

22. Your friends? loving

23. Your life? love

24. Your mood? tired

25. Missing someone? always

26. Vehicle? Sienna

27. Something you're not wearing? ring

28. Your favorite store? Goodwill

29. Your favorite color? none

30. When was the last time you laughed? minutes

31. Last time you cried? week

32. Your best friend? Hubby

33. One place that I go over and over? Publix

34. One person who emails me regularly? caseworker

35. Favorite place to eat? chippy

The six people I choose are:

Tuba

Devon

Crystal

Nichole

Socialworker24/7

Michelle

Up up and away

We are currently two hours into our nine hour plane ride.  We just  passed New York, and are starting to cross the Ocean. The plane is chocked full of Scottish people.  In fact I think the hubby is the only American person on the plane. Getting through customs should be a breeze, since I can go in the US line with him.

Icescicles are currently forming on my toes, since I refused to wear socks (sensory issues).

We are due to arrive in Scotland at 7:30am (2:30am EST).  The weather isnt looking too promising , 44 degrees and raining.

By the time you all are reading this, I shall be sound a sleep for the night (Friday night). 

I'm a helicopter mom

Last night we attended a birthday party in honor of all children in foster care ages 0-5 yrs old.  It was at a bounce house, lil' man had a total blast!  We sung happy birthday to all the children, and they were each given a gift!

While at the party I discovered  I am a helicopter mom. So what if I follow my kid around, he has impulse control issues.  I am his conscious for the time being.

I followed Lil' man from one bounce house to another.  From the game room, to the toy area, and then back to the bounce house.  He is NEVER out of eye sights.

Who would have thought I would  be a sling wearing, baby snuggling ,over protective Mother! 

#$%@

Update: Dr can't squeeze me into today.  Will get my results when we return!

Yesterday I got a phone call regarding my ultra sound.  I have multiple cysts on both my ovaries. eww  The doctor is going to try and squeeze me in today so we can discuss treatment, before I leave.  If it isn't one thing it's another. 

I guess the explains the back pain, and the pelvic pain.

I am going to be royally pissed off if I can't have babies!

Perfect timing

I have not been feeling well over the last week and a half.  Today I bit the bullet and went to the doctors.  I have a sinus infection, severe congestion, and I am having bronchial spasms. 

I am not sure I am going to make it passed security with the amount of drugs the doctor prescribed me.

I am hoping that the ringing in my ears stops soon.

Should be a fun nine hour plane ride!

Visit

Lil' Man no longer has scheduled visits with his birth family, since his birth Mothers parental rights were terminated.  However I was able to sweet talk his case worker into letting me meet his aunt, grandmother, and three cousins in a neutral location in town.

He loves his cousins dearly, and it's clear they love him also. I can't imagine not being able to see a family member, that lives than 10 minutes from me.  I promised him we will try to get together with them at least once a month.

I hope his adoptive family is open to visits with them as well.  I think it's important for him to keep the bond that they have formed.

Family

Here are some pictures of my niece Jannae, and two nephews Jaxon, and Alex.

 

They visited a petting zoo yesterday.  Wish we lived closer!

Asleep?

Dare I say that Lil' Man is now asleep after 17 1/2 hours?  Or should I just keep my mouth shut?  He has been on the go non-stop since he woke up at 4am. 

My Mum, and Dad's good friends are vacationing in Florida.  They decided to drive up, and spend the day with us.  We took them on a tour of our backwoods town.  Our tour involved the hubby showing off all the houses he has worked on in town (historic restoration). A golf cart ride around the plantation, followed by dinner at Apple bee's.

It was nice to spend the day with good ole Scottish folk.  I hope to catch up with them again when we are over :)

I am so ready for bed, its not even funny.  I am seeing double..  night all 

Breath in breath out

I am a few short seconds away from blowing a fuse. Lil' Man as not slept more than 6 hours a night since Thursday.  Typically he sleeps 7:3o pm-7am, with a 45 min nap around 1pm.

On Wednesday the doctor prescribed him Focalin.  Focalin is a medication that is used to control ADHD.  One of the side effects is insomnia.  He has been up since 4am.  Which means i've been up since 4am.

One would think he would  sleep considering he takes a prescription sleep aid.

He is agitated, restless, whining, and just plain annoying.

It's 11:30am, and i've been trying to get him to nap since 11am.  After all he's already been up for over seven hours.

He's tired, his eyes are red, his whining non-stop, but his body wont relax.

He told me "Mommy I am so tired"

I've tired singing to him, rubbing his back, ignoring him, sitting in his room, bribing him.

A FAS, ODD, ADHD kid with no sleep equals a total disaster.

Since he's not my kid, I can't take him off the medication.  Dr says i've to stick with it for 30 days.  Thank God i'll be gone for 18 of those 30 days.

I know it isn't his fault, but that doesn't make me any less sleepy.

Still here

So I didn't jump off the bridge like I said I was going to.  But I haven't gotten the results of my ultra sound yet. The hypochondriac in my is worried there is something freakishly wrong, but its probably nothing.

The ultra sound was a story within it's self, but I will spare you the details.

Hopefully I will have the results early next week. 

Funky

I've been in a little funk this week. So much to do and no desire to do any of it.  I swear I need a clone. 

I haven't been in the mood to blog.  I have laryngitis for the third time this year.  My voice has been coming and going for the last three days. Having no voice makes parenting hard.  Even harder when you have a hard headed kid who doesn't listen!

We have secured respite for Lil' man while we are gone.  He will be staying with a single older lady, who has done respite for him once before.   I am still quiet annoyed over that whole situation. Total BS.

I am surprised at my lack of excitement, and organization regarding our upcoming trip to Scotland.  I don't think I will be excited until the plane takes off. 

Tomorrow morning I have to have an ultra sound to check out some issues i've been having.. Not look fwd to that. If I find out I can't have kids, I might jump off a bridge.  So if you don't hear from me you know what happened :)