We've had several more calls for placements. We've turned them all down. I'm not so sure we are going to continue fostering. It isnt all what we thought it would be like.
We were in it for the kids, and clearly the state could care less. Lil' Man continues to be moved from one home to another, due to his extreme behaviors.
Why cant these stupid people see they are causing him more harm, making his behaviors worse, and causing him to have even more attachment issues.
I hate it for him, yet there is nothing we can do. Foster parents opinion doesn't matter.
So....I've been reading you for months and months, but I don't think I've ever commented. I too am a foster mom. My husband and I have been married 2 1/2 years and we have no biological children. We accepted a placement of a "medical needs" 10 month old boy June 2009 and his mother gave birth to premature twin girls the following Oct....we took them also. The boy just turned 2, we are only now scratching the top of surface of his long term needs...mostly sensory/psychological. We have had 2 case workers. We have met wonderful people along the way who love kids and do their best to help them, and we have met idiots. Please remember is the system is FAR from perfect. I believe that is because there shouldn't BE a system. Moms and Dads should love and care for their kids. But they don't sometimes, so we have a system, and one with MANY MANY flaws. I believe you did your best for Lil' Man. My heart has grieved for you and for him many times. We struggle daily with the question of whether or not we are the best thing for our Little Dude as we call him. Please don't give up. Take a break, a long one if necessary. Take yourself of the list. Heal. Then re-evaluate. This world needs foster parents like you. And remember, Lil Man may be having a lot of issues right now but he did know you loved him, he stills knows that. I believe someday you may have a grown man knock on your door and thank you for caring for him and loving him when the cards were all stacked against him.
ReplyDeleteSarah
Thanks for the support Sarah. We are weighing our options and trying to decide what to do. I know that I could not handle another child with such extreme behaviors. I am emotionally spent. Karen
ReplyDeleteyou have been thru so much, especially recently. i think, for now, not taking anymore is a good choice.
ReplyDeletethey aren't all like that, the kids. BUT the problem is the system is ALWAYS like that. I am on child #3 and the kids are worth it but the system is driving us all away.
i think now is a healing time for YOU and your hubby.
You are a wonderful foster parent, advocate for children, and mom. You are doing the right thing by taking some time off. You are emotionally spent, with losing two children in such a short time. Take time to heal. Spend some time with your hubby. Nurture yourself. Then revisit the idea. That's my two cents worth. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with what the others have said...you need time, there's no need to rush into it. You'll know when you're ready, or maybe you just won't be.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you can go through a different agency if/when you decide you are ready? Maybe your agency is just not a good match for you? I'm a county home and have had an awesome experience with my caseworker. We had some crappy things happen, but we have an awesome support team (county workers, counselors, etc). There are kids in the system that don't require that high of a level of care. Take an easier case and see if that suits you better, then work your way back into a difficult case after you know you have some support behind you.