A Mothers love

 

It's hard to believe that tomorrow will mark seven months, since my Mum passed away.  I will admit that I am very much in denial over her passing. So much has happened over the last seven months that would have made her proud.  She became a grandmother (for the sixth time) four months ago, Jaxon turned one, I was married.

When I get a moment to think, I get worked up thinking "I am going to have to live the rest of my life without my Mum". I get pains in my chest, and a lump in my throat. Who will I ask for advise?  Who will get excited when I become pregnant? Who will I call in an emergency?  Nothing/no one can replace a Mothers unconditional love.

I know she is no longer suffering, and she can take deep pain free breaths, but the selfish part of me, wants her here,  where I can touch, smell, kiss, and talk to her

Today Jannae, and I lay in bed together we began talking about "Grandpa", "Grandma", and "Teagyn".  We broke out the scrapbooks, and mounds of pictures.  We talked about the time she bit her grandpa on the chin, instead of giving him a kiss.  We joked about how I dressed her, and Teagyn alike.  We talked about how nice of a woman "Grandma" was.  We laughed at silly hair doo's funny captions. 

We talked about how sad it was that we no longer had these three people in our life.  I had a lump in my throat as I tired to find words to comfort Jannae knowing I didn't even have words to comfort myself.

After a few moments, I came up with nothing.  Jannae said "Don't worry Auntie, well see them again one day when we go to Heaven"

Love ma boys...

 

VBS

 

Jannae attended vacation bible school at one of the churches here in Thomasville.  Each day she came home singing a new song about the lord.  The song was followed by her showing off the craft she had made that day.  Today they had a end of the week performance and all of the children stood on stage and sang their songs.  It was great,  each song was full of action.  Will post pictures later tonight..

Oh the drama

 

 

 

 

 

Vacation pictures..

 

                   Alex running a way

 

               Jax with Auntie Lesley

                   Cousins, Jannae, and Jaxon

The Washington monument at night..

 

Jannae, and Alex checking out the size of the monument.

                               Lincoln memorial

 

                            Jannae with Mr. Lincoln.

                            Checking out the sites..

 

                                       The Smith-Stukes family

The bread store..

 

I always drive passed the bread store but never stop, as I always have a good amount of stops on my list already.  Today we decided to venture over to the flowers bakery bread store.  I knew they had good prices,  but I didnt know how good!  I got 3 loafs of bread: whole wheat, whole wheat double fiber, and cinnamon raison bread.  Honey wheat English muffins, a 6 pack of cereal bars, doughnuts biscuit mix, honey buns, all for $7.06!

 

Well I made it back from Virginia  in one piece, barley.. I don't think I sat still for more than a few minutes the entire time I was there.  My sisters planned a surprise wedding shower, at my favorite Mexican restaurant. Our trip to DC was full of adventure, and a few family barnies. We seen John Edward on Friday night, but sadly did not get a reading.  While in DC we checked out a few sites. (will post pictures later).  It took us over six hours to get home.  We were hit with storms, and then traffic.  Saturday night I attended my friends baby shower, and Sunday I left for Georgia, with Jannae in tow.  Some how I also managed to shop, and hang out with my friend in between.

I think I slept 5 hours a night while in VA, as I was couch surfing.  The trip home was the worst one I have ever taken.  I was so tired, I felt myself falling asleep.  I drank soda after soda, took some no dose, and ate chocolate all in attempt to keep myself awake.  The no dose made me sick.  By the time we hit South Carolina,  we were driving into storms.  At one point it was raining so hard that I was only going 25mph. 

Thankfully we made it home safe, and sound.  I was very happy to see my bed husband.

Check back later tonight for some pictures.

Oh the memories

I spent most of the day today wading through my Mum's "stuff", it was depressing, funny, heart breaking, and exciting. It was great to reminisce, and to see things from Mum's point of view. Mum kept EVERYTHING! "It's a girl" cards, from ALL of our births, birthday cards, notes, post cards, shopping lists. Anything, and everything. We also had to sort through mum's clothes we kept some, and decided to donate the rest to a battered women's shelter.

Later on we went for dinner at the local Mexican restaurant, I was surprised to find out that my sisters had planned a surprise post wedding bridal shower! It was great to see everyone.

Tomorrow we are off to DC, to see John Edward, I am a little nervous about that..

I am running on E after several days of no sleep, its time for bed...Night everyone..

Record time..

 

I was up, and on my way to Virginia Beach, by 5:15am!  I was amazed at how gas prices varied on my 11, and a half hour journey (good time!).  Thomasville, GA (where I reside), was the most expensive at $4.02 a gallon.  A small town in South Carolina, had gas for $3.76 cents!  I was tempted to buy a gas can, and save some gas for later!

When I arrived I went straight to the kids (Jaxon, Alex, and Jannae's) daycare to pick them up.  When headed to the park for some fun in the sun.  Lesley met up with us, and we ventured over to chick-fil-a for dinner.

Alex wanted nothing to do with Lesley (his mother), he juts wanted his Auntie. He kept saying "bye mommy go"

Jaxon is talking up a storm, and walking all over like a little drunk man.

Jannae is growing like a weed, and is a skinny as ever.

Will post pictures soon..

A MOTHER'S MESSAGE FROM HEAVEN

 

I see you, darling, all the time,
I know everything you do,
Would you believe, my dearest child
I'm even closer now to you.

For I can see inside your mind,
Indeed, inside your heart,
I even know you better now,
Than I did before, sweetheart.

I've always loved you - you know that,
But maybe now I love you more,
I love the adult that you've become,
Just as I loved the child before.

I know how much you miss me, honey,
Well, I miss you, too,
I miss our talking and our laughing,
And all we used to do.

Whether you are six or sixty,
You'll always be my precious child,
You're the baby that I carried,
And the adult that's helped me smile.

What you need to understand,
Though death has taken me away,
Is that I've not left you, darling,
I am still with you today.

Honey, I could never leave you,
God, of course, would not want that,
Physically, we are apart,
But our hearts are still attached.

I love you all the time,
You cannot get away from me,
That's the way a Mother is,
Right into eternity.

Every day I'm with you
I see you from above,
And I want for you to know
How very much you're loved.

Happy Fathers day

 

Happy fathers day to all the wonderful men in my life.  My Dad, step Dad, father in law, brother, brother in laws, etc.  Wishing you all a happy day with!

Think twice..

 

I try hard not to judge others, I think its part of human nature.  Yesterday I kept saying to myself "just because you wouldn't do it that way doesn't mean its wrong"

People (myself included), are very quick to judge one another, to say so in so is a bad person, is wrong, or not such a great parent, because they do things differently.

When people judge me, and talk down to me, it makes me not want to have them in my life, so think twice before you judge someone outloud.

At the end of the day if everyone is happy, loved, unhurt, and nothing illegal went on, it's okay if they do things differently. 

Your way is just that YOUR way. The world would be a pretty boring place if we all did things the same.

 

This weekend we have been on the go 24/7!  On Friday we picked up Victoria, and headed home for dinner.  After dinner we ventured over to visit Erine (Wayne's step grandmother). 

Today the kids woke up bright and early, and we headed to the flint river aquarium in Albany, GA

Victoria with her pop-pop (Wayne's Dad)

 

 

I've got my hands full!!!!

William hitching a ride..at the aquarium.

 

 

 

                           Spud trying to stay cool..

 

                                        My new hair cut..

 

                   Parker checking out the big digger..

 

 

                                                                                        Parker with his gator that he made at build a bear..He named his gator after himself.

hello are you there?

 

I hate dislike it when people are so into themselves that they don't even hear what  you are saying.  It makes it very difficult to have a conversation, and even more difficult to want to be around them. 

I enjoy hearing about what's going on with my friends, and family.  I ask questions, and I am genuinely interested in them, and their life.

It seems most people are out for them and theirs, if they don't directly benefit some how they really don't care. I am not that kind of person.

Can't you even pretend that you interested?

 

Quote of the Day:
Misery is optional.
--Abraham Lincoln

nine months old today

 

 

 

 

 

Beating the heat..

 

Willie-B

Brooke and Katie crazy girls..

Parker having fun

 

  Big Daddy: William

                               Tori a little unsure

 

oh, the heat

 

This week has been unbelievable hot here in South West Georgia.  Yesterday we attempted a trip to the park which lasted a total of 15 minutes, because it became to hot.  As I was driving down the road yesterday it started raining..It was so hot that steam was rising from the road as the rain drops hit..

Today we are heading to the pool, its the only place you can go when its 110 outside.

Come on FALL, I am ready for this heat to hit the road..

Quote of the Day:
Houses should be more like ovens. Self-insulating and self-cleaning!

 

On Saturday we stopped by a small town fair type thing..As soon as we got out the car I spotted the British flag, after investigating I noticed they sold FOOD!! Seeing how it was lunch time we decided to investigate. The place was called The Georgia Pasty Company, we dined on sausage roles dipped in HP sauce, as well as a mince pie.  Delicious!

We continued about our adventures, and stopped by on our way home, for some goodies to take him.  This time we had sausage rolls, apple pie, and a cornish pasty. 

Since I was a "a real Brit" the guy gave us a little discount, as well as a free copy of the Union jack newspaper.

By the time I paid for all our goodies I could have flown back to Scotland, for a little cheaper..

 

I hope all is well with everyone out there..Things have been good around here.  Yesterday we went yard sailing, and then to lowes for some DYI supplies.  Later on we ventured over to the Giemza's for a BBQ. We had great conversations, good food, and a few laughs.  Our niece Victoria (Tori) came up from Florida to visit for two weeks.  We've been planning some fund adventures while she's in town. 

On Wednesday Parker and Willie B's parents are heading to CA without the boys, so Wayne and I shall be playing Mommy and Daddy for a six days.  After their parent's return, I am heaving to VA to visit, attend my friends baby shower, meet John Edward, and bring my niece Jannae to Georgia for the summer.

Quote of the Day:
Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.
--Josh Billings

I scream..you scream..

We all scream for ice cream

 

 

Dream dream...dream

Last night I had the greatest party of all, it was a post wedding celebration. It was like a beleated wedding reception. All of my family, and friends where there..My Mum was the host, she was so happy and full of life. She was running around like a mad women, making sure everything was in order. We danced, talked, laughed, and cried. We were all having a great time, and then my alaram went off. What a night it was..

Come visit me again tonight, Mum..

WE HAVE WATER!!!!!!!

 

We have lived here for six months with a sink in the bathroom..which had no running water.. I am proud to say we now have running water in the sink! Now if I could only get Wayne to put up the chair rail, and that damn toilet paper holder, life would be good.

The nanny

 

Being a nanny is a lot work, but also a lot  of fun! It's kind of like being a stay at home Mother, except after 5pm you get to escape. What other job has the type of benefits that I receive?

Hugs, and kisses all day, everyday

Smiles as soon as  I walk in the door

being told over and over again that I am loved (by Parker),

also being told "Karen your so beautiful" over, and over again.

Who else gets to go to the pool on the super hot days, and sit curled up on the couch reading books with the kids on the cold days?

Lunch dates, playdates, beach trips, day trips.  What have a lot of fun!

All the while..getting paid! I've got the best job ever!

So what..I love my pictures..

 

home bound..

 

Last week William was sick with an ear infection, and a unknown virus. We were stuck in the house as  he slept for almost the entire week.  Poor thing had a 104 temp on and off.  By Friday I was going crazy, the walls were closing in. After five days he started feeling better.

Finally the weekend rolls around, and I am off work.  Monday here, and we go about our normal weekly outings. Well Tuesday Parker comes down with the same virus, today marks day two.

The walls are starting to close in again, I need to get out of the house!

Only 2 1/2 days to go until Saturday.

The odds

 

Breast cancer is the number one cause of cancer-related deaths among women. One out of every nine women will get breast cancer at some time in her life.

If breast cancer is detected early enough the 5-year survival rate is as high as 98%-100%. (stage one)

When Mum was diagnosed in Oct, 2006, she had stage one, very treatable breast cancer. Mum had a mastectomy in Dec, 2006, and started on chemo.   In May of 2007 she was finished with her treatment, and her cancer was considered in remission. 

In June, Mum had surgery to remove her port.  She was also considering reconstructive surgery on her breast.

Summer passed by with no health concerns for our Mum.  She went to work, traveled, and went about her daily business. Life was good.

In Sept of 2007, Mum went to Scotland to visit our family.  While there she had a cough that wouldn't go away. She didn't let that stop her from having a good time, and enjoying the Scottish night life.

Once she returned from her trip, she went to the doctor, and was told she had pneumonia .  For weeks the doctors pumped our mum full of antibiotics  trying to rid of her the pneumonia that we assume she had caught on the flight.

One night in Oct, 2007 Mum couldn't breath, Jeff (my step dad), took her to the hospital.  She was treated for pneumonia, as well as a collapsed lung.

Test after test, we were told she had pneumonia, a collapsed lung, and a Pleural effusion.  So much time was wasted, before we found out the real issue.  The cancer had returned.  It had metastasized to our Mothers lungs causing her lungs to collapse, fluid to build up, and in the end, taking her life.

How can something with a 98%-100% cure rate, take someone's live in a matter of weeks.  Once it was rediscovered , she had no chance no chance at all of beating the cancer. Too much time had been wasted.

Why was she given the all clear in May? and then again in August?

Why did they say it was pneumonia?

Why didnt they do more tests?

Why didnt they treat her sooner?

Why did she have to die?