Sunday, June 29, 2008

A Mothers love


It's hard to believe that tomorrow will mark seven months, since my Mum passed away.  I will admit that I am very much in denial over her passing. So much has happened over the last seven months that would have made her proud.  She became a grandmother (for the sixth time) four months ago, Jaxon turned one, I was married.

When I get a moment to think, I get worked up thinking "I am going to have to live the rest of my life without my Mum". I get pains in my chest, and a lump in my throat. Who will I ask for advise?  Who will get excited when I become pregnant? Who will I call in an emergency?  Nothing/no one can replace a Mothers unconditional love.

I know she is no longer suffering, and she can take deep pain free breaths, but the selfish part of me, wants her here,  where I can touch, smell, kiss, and talk to her

Today Jannae, and I lay in bed together we began talking about "Grandpa", "Grandma", and "Teagyn".  We broke out the scrapbooks, and mounds of pictures.  We talked about the time she bit her grandpa on the chin, instead of giving him a kiss.  We joked about how I dressed her, and Teagyn alike.  We talked about how nice of a woman "Grandma" was.  We laughed at silly hair doo's funny captions. 

We talked about how sad it was that we no longer had these three people in our life.  I had a lump in my throat as I tired to find words to comfort Jannae knowing I didn't even have words to comfort myself.

After a few moments, I came up with nothing.  Jannae said "Don't worry Auntie, well see them again one day when we go to Heaven"

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