broken

My heart is breaking  I wish there was someone I could speak with someone who understands what i'm dealing with.   I haven't been very active in the bloggy world because I am struggling. I cannot understand what I have  done to deserve so much heartache. I try very hard to be thankful for the things that I do have, but parts of me are missing.  I am broken into pieces, and it hurts deeply.

I wish my Mum was around, she would know what to say to comfort me.

I promised myself I wasn't going to blog about my infertility issues, but it feels good to get it all out.

Today my husband and I ventured to Florida to meet with a reproductive endocrinologists.  I decided not to tell anyone about the appointment. I guess I was hoping for good news, that way no one would have to know.

Of course we didn't get good news.

The RE give us a 3% chance of having a healthy pregnancy on our own.

He said I am at high risk for having a ectopic pregnancy because of all of the scaring left over from my endo.

He has little faith that hubby's surgery will help his count (based on his experience it rarely helps)

He is concerned that the longer we wait the more damage the endo will do to my reproductive organs. (its already coming back)

He also said that the endo could cause more damage to my already damaged ovaries.  He said  that they will  slow down in function or stop functioning all together.

He said we should bypass IUI and go straight to IVF.

He recommends that I get on strong birth control to "shut down" everything until we are ready to move forward with IVF.

Anyone got 10K I can borrow?

I don't understand how we were able to achieve pregnancy only a few months ago. And now we're being told IVF is the only way to go.  HUH? 

What kind of cruel joke is that?