Angel

My sweet little niece Teagyn should be turning 10 in a few weeks.  Isn't she beautiful?

Fun

Cheap entertainment at the car wash!

Ella

Way back in 2008 I cared for a little baby named Ella several over nights a week.   Ella was born prematurely, she was a poor eater and had a whole in her heart. 

Eventually she had to get a g-tube because she was loosing too much weight. 

At just over two years old she still has a lot of catching up to do.  Her Mom called me last week and asked if I was able to care for Ella one or two evenings a week.  Of course I said yes.

So I start my new adventure tonight.  I'm excited about this new adventure I think it will be a great distraction.

remember us

Hubby and I have enjoyed our alone time.  It has been great to reconnect with one another.  I could get used to being the center of his attention!  I've been getting spoiled!

However I am ready for another placement! Its been nearly three months since Lil' Man left. I emailed our resource coordinator and reminded her about us.  She said we are the first family she thinks of whenever she gets a call.  However calls for children within our age rage (under 7) are few and far between when your with a therapeutic agency.

I still dream of getting a medically fragile child.  While I don't want any child to be sick its a fact of life. I would rather than be placed here with us than in a nursing home if their parents are not able to care for them.

Fingers crossed!

Fixable!

It turns out my husband has a Varicocele.  A Varicocele is swelling in the veins above the testies.  (he would so kill me if he knew I was posting this online!).  Its very common and typically causes no pain.  Thankfully it is very correctable.  So hubby will be going under the knife in October.  It typically takes a few months for the little buggers to start swimming correctly after surgery. 

We plan to cancel our appointment with the fertility specialist  so that we can see if the surgery was a success.  If i'm not knocked up by January we will re-make the apt.

Are we not a total mess in the baby marking department?

Under construction..

Hubby and I bought our little house back in the summer of 2007.  We spent six months renovating it before moving in.  Each day after work we would come to the house and work until 11pm, before heading back to the plantation to catch some Zzzzz's.  I hated it, and everything about it. After our renovation I refuse to lift a paint brush!

About two weeks ago we started in on another project.  This time we are putting down new hardwood in part of the house (the rest is already hardwood).  Simple right?

NOT!

Our floor is uneven so started out by floating a sub-floor. Then we decided to move some walls and add another door.  On Sunday we started framing the new wall. Building a new wall, means sheetrocking.  Sheetrocking means painting.  Didnt I say I wasn't’ going to paint again?

We hope to be done within the next two to three week(ends). 

Thank you

I just wanted to thank everyone for their comments, and emails.  I did some research, made some phone calls, bawled my eyes out, and questioned God a lot.  We  meet with a urologist on Tuesday.  We also have an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist in October. I feel much better now that we have a plan.  Until then I am not going to worry about it, because it is what it is and I cant change it. 

Thanks again :)

Kicked again

As you all know I have endometriosis.  As a result of my endo I only have one fallopian tube.  I've been having a really hard time since our miscarriage in July.  Feeling like a failure unable to carry a baby blah blah blah...

On top of the above today we learned that my husband has a low sp*erm count. Really low.. how on earth did I pregnant?  Guess it only takes one.

My OB will no longer treat us.  She suggested that hubby make an apt to see a urologist and that we move fwd with a reproductive specialist.

I am at a loss.  Is it not bad enough that I have fertility issues and we lost our baby. Now hubby has issues too.

IVF is out of the question right now because of the cost.  Insurance covers none of it.

I've given up all faith in the big guy upstairs.  Im tired of getting kicked over and over again.

I am not against adoption but still not ready to give up the dream of carrying a baby.

Scrap that

We're not getting the little girl.  DFACS found a closer home.  I hate hate hate when they do that.  but what can I do.

Placement

We got a call for a four year old little girl who has a very traumatic passed. She is coming to us from another foster home. I have been assured her behaviors are nothing compared to Lil man's.

We said "yes"

I am waiting for our worker to call me regarding intake. A little girl oh my.  Dresses bows and all things pink! If only foster care were that easy.

Twenty

I'm still here drowning in self pity.  I should be  almost 20 weeks pregnant. By now we would know the sex and I would be starting to show.  What should have been a magical time hurts ever so badly.

Before we lost our little bean I had no idea how devastating a miscarriage is.  It is the loss of a life. A loss of the.future. A part of that family is forever changed

For so many years i've longed to be a mother. I want to see my belly grow to hear its little heart beat and to feel it kick.  I came so so close only to have it taken away.

It hurts

Never a dull moment

A squirrel inside of the house

What's going on?

• Saturday was my birthday.  I'm one more year closer to thirty...OUCH! Hubby, and I spent the day being lazy.  I did not venture from my bed until 3pm!
• A friend of mine (who is due a week before our little bean was due) posted the sex of her baby, followed by belly pics on facebook.  I had to delete her.  (I hate being jealous)
• She re-added me... So then I "hid" her so that I cannot see her status updates. (I need medication lol)
• Ive been in a lot of pain presumably from my endometriosis, or it could be scaring from the D&C.
• I went to the Dr's on Friday because the longer I am not pregnant, the more endometriosis  is growing.  If we are not pregnant by Oct we will try un-medicated IUI.
• I've been cleaning like a mad woman because it seems to be the only thing I can control in my life.
• We started construction on our house (just updating and moving some walls around) So thankful I have a handy husband.
• Hubby is in school five days a week.  He has to drive 90 miles round trip so I've been alone a lot lately.
• In my spare time i've become addicted  to Super Mario Brothers.

Lil' Man

I talked to Lil' Man's case worker today.  He's on his fourth respite home, and will  be moved to a therapeutic home in a few weeks.  I miss that little guy so much. I wish that we could see him,  but I know that would only confuse him more.  I did tell his case worker that if this placement does not work out  that would be glad to take him back (don't tell my hubby lol). 

I still think the system sucks.  We're hanging in limbo trying to figure out what to do. My agency is getting sick of us turning down calls, but I dont really care at the moment.