I am suddenly all alone with my thoughts. Lil' Man left this morning, and my hubby is at school. I have been so busy dealing with Lil' Man and his behaviors (as well as packing his stuff) that I haven't had a moment to breath.
Now that I am sitting here alone, I am scared. I cant stop thinking about what could have been and what we have just lost. I feel as if i've been hit by a bus.
My little baby had a heart beat, I seen it flicking on the screen. Then suddenly it stopped. I will always wonder if the stress of caring for Lil' Man played a roll in the loss of the baby.
if I hear "well at least you know you can get pregnant." one more time I might just scream.
I know that miscarriages are common, and that I am not the first woman to loose her baby. But really it doesn't make me feel any better in the moment. .
As soon as you get a positive test your entire life changes. You start planning your future around this little bean.
My husband was so excited, we couldn't stop smiling at each other. Every night before bed he would rub my belly and say good night to the baby.
Now we are just left dreaming about what should have been. I will always wonder about that little bean.